no strings attached .

A carefree life without worries is one with bliss is it not? Whether the involvements are strictly friendly or romantic, or perhaps have to do with family, a job, or any other previous engagements, they can get in the way of things. What if I could wake up every morning and think, I can do whatever the fuck I wanna do today. There would be no consequences, no judgments, and no repercussions. But I think life is not like that for a great many reasons -- one being what would the point be, two would you ever have any sense of morality, and three what would be the point of goals if you can have them granted in a moment's notice?

what men want .

Now, I'm not the biggest fan of Max Dubinsky but a couple of close friends suggested that I follow along on his blog on his "MAD across America" campaign. It seems to me that this guy has done it all and been in the deepest holes ever. He comes off really preachy, as Jordan describes it, which is very true and one of things that I think detracts from what he writes. He also comes off arrogant, as if he's implying that 'I've been through the worst shit ever so don't even think that you know what you're talking about.'

the earth unwrapped .

Yesterday I watched a long special on the Earth and what all of the stuff underground is and how we use it and relate to it. It had various places to stop and stories to tell etc until we got into the absolute core (which, not surprisingly, does not yield much usable knowledge other than what it's made of and it's extremely fuckin' hot..).

Music Monday #23

The song name is Your Way, and the artist is Xu Xu Fang. In a way I sort of stumbled upon this... but it's a great find. I have yet to find whether or not Xu Xu Fang's other stuff is any good.

waving flag .

While at work yesterday I went out to check the flag to make sure all was right in terms of position and non-tangled-ness etc. etc. By that time, which was later in the day, there were barely any golfers out on the course and the giant pole with the larger-than-life flag fluttered proudly in the wind. It was silent, with the exception of the flapping that inherently comes with the wind across the fields.

juxtapositions .

This one is for you, you who affected me so much and whom I poured so much into. You who I would've gave the world for, but you still left me hanging up to dry. I gave it my all and yet I'm not sure that you did.

wait-staff .

There are a heck of a lot of stressful jobs out there. The interesting thing about all of them, though, is that they generally make a lot of money. However, if you're not a lawyer or a doctor or some sort of FBI or CIA agent, well then there is always the server. Whether it's at a restaurant, or in this particular case at a country club, it's a high-stress job that isn't exactly financially rewarding. You end up giving up almost every single weekend which means that the most prevalent friends come from your job -- because you are forced to. There's no one else to hang out with at all those ridiculous hours that you are finally getting out of work.

the storm connection pt1 .

Today was one of those days. The days where the sky was dark, the wind was gusty, and the rain came down in sheets. It was a storm. A thunderstorm, and a hell of a big one at that. I have said it before and I will say it again, I will always be in awe of the power that nature has sometimes. There were warnings of a tornado touching down, and warnings of severe wind and accidents galore flooded the radio waves.

quoted conversation .

Henry Fielding once said that "scarcely one person in a thousand is capable of tasting the happiness of others." It took me awhile to sort of figure out what he was getting at and to be honest, I'm still a bit confused. But what I gathered from it is that what you make of yourself is your own and only yours -- happiness included. Other people won't and can't steal that from you; it is up to you to do things that will help you in your "pursuit of happiness," to quote the Declaration of Independence.

firefly .

I was sitting on the kitchen counter this evening, just eating some applesauce, when I looked outside and saw fireflies begin to flash around the front yard. Out of nowhere a flood of memories seeped back into the forefront of my thoughts, and it brought a lot of things to mind.

Music Monday #22

This week my song is For the First Time by The Script -- it's been stuck in my head almost everyday and it pretty much makes my day when I happen to hear it on the radio. Normally I don't include the music videos in this, so that you guys don't get stuck watching ads before them (stupid Vevo...) but this time I feel compelled to post it given that it's a really good video in my opinion.

draining the hourglass .

Today is June 19th. I've been home for a month and almost two weeks... and what do I have to show for it? The days seem to run together despite the fact that work drags. I haven't touched my guitar yet since I've been home. And while I have been biking a fair amount, my road bike is still sitting in the basement waiting to be tuned -- not to mention I still need to get my shoes and helmet and such. I haven't recorded any music, and I haven't prepped for Spain at all.

nostalgia .

There aren't a lot of people that I would truly consider my friends from home. I'm not even sure if I should call New Jersey my home, since I don't even live here for 9 months out of the year. It almost feels like a vacation when I'm in the house I was raised in... But anyways, for a lot of the people I used to hang out with in high school, we don't talk during the school year. We can never feasibly get together and I guess since my discontinuation of social media outlets like facebook, we don't really have the opportunity to communicate -- if only indirectly.

writing .

With the number of career choices that are out there, it's pretty unbelievable that anyone can really make a true decision on what they want to do with the rest of their lives. For me, it always seemed pretty easy -- I always have loved building things. It was never as much fun having the 'thing' once it was built, it was the building it that was fun. Even more exciting was completely ignoring whatever instructions came with your building set and just putting together things however you wanted. Part of the challenge was making it all work.

a quoted discussion .

This is another quote that caught my eye; a quote that came from my little widget deal. This time the quote is from Gustave Flaubert, whose name sounds vaguely familiar from literature that I read in high school. In fact, I'm almost positive we read some of his stuff. Anyways, the quote is "I love good sense above all, perhaps because I have none." Now, common sense in itself is an interesting subject. There's quite a divide between 'book smarts' and 'street smarts.' In our case, street smarts is virtually equivalent to common sense.

honesty .

In my opinion, it can make or break a relationship. Wouldn't it all be so much easier if everything was out in the open? If everything was just real between two people, and if they didn't hide things (unless it was something like a surprise party). People wouldn't get hurt, and they might even stay together longer. But there's one problem with honesty. Frankly, sometimes the truth hurts. I've been in situations where people say that they want to know the truth -- even if it's something that they don't want to hear. Telling it is just as hard as hearing it. Though I've been on the asking end of that situation -- and in all reality I don't want to know the truth if it is something I don't want to hear. But we don't live in a fantasy life like that.

thank you .

While it may seem that conflicted views and immoralities of the entire world cloud the good that is out there, I seem to have found a lull in the storm tonight. Often we make things too complicated, confusing, or just plain crazy. Yet tonight was altogether different. Reunited once more I found myself wishing it would not end and I could just lie there spaced in another galaxy entirely. I know obviously that there will be more times to revel in sole thoughts and space. Today is just the beginning.

Music Monday #21

This week is another recently acquired piece of musical excellence -- Slow Show by The National. In particular, I picked out a specific video that seemed to sort of capture the right mood. The opening part of the song seems to strike a rather melancholy chord, but partially through there is some sort of change that is a blast of eye-opening and realization.

running .

I had the urge today to run. I didn't have a particular destination, but I wanted to get out and leave. Upon telling a friend later in the day of the unforeseen inkling, the only word I could find in a sea of the dictionary was but this: trapped. Whether it was just from being in the house too long or perhaps something a bit more extreme; being under my parents' roof for too long I know not. In some ways it may have been that I just needed to get out. However, I had already been out of the house today -- once to bike and another short trip to Wawa to get milk for the house and a cup of coffee with my father upon his request. I must say, I certainly didn't mind the cool air dancing across my arm as it hung out the window, while the patchy clouds turned the rays of the moon into a light show across the sky.

child-free .

Every time I ever thought about marriage, I always imagine myself having kids and having a family. Being that I am a kid myself, or I guess you could say adult (legally at least), I guess I always sort of assumed I would carry on the legacy and procreate (eventually, obviously).

freedom .

On a day to day basis there are countless opportunities to complain about the life that we live. The rules aren't fair, the laws are stupid, the amount of money we have to pay is too much (of course 'the rent is too damn high'), our boyfriend/girlfriend isn't doing what we want, things aren't working out, we've lost our spirituality... You know. Everything.

unfailing love.

I have this widget on my Mac dashboard that tells me a quote by some random famous person... or maybe not so famous. Either way I recognize some of them. Well, the quote the other day was "What a man desires is unfailing love."

Now I know you're thinking, oh boy, here we go again, another long pointless and confusing rant about love. Sorry, but this is a good one -- that could really open up a lot of points of discussion.

walden .

So at the end of yesterday's post I randomly threw in that I had picked up Walden by Henry David Thoreau at the library. I have always been highly appreciate of literature in various forms, and it and I are connected in quite a few ways. When I was very young, I wrote in journals -- most especially when the family would go on vacation. In some ways I was like a reporter, keeping daily chronicles of every single minute thing that we did, from the literal food items on my plate at breakfast to the specific game we played in the pool. To be honest, I don't know if that was the beginnings of a love of writing -- but it certainly can be celebrated in its own correlative manner.

stormy weather .

It's been a long time since I can remember a storm... This evening I happened to be down in the basement during a workout. The clouds turned an ominous yellow, as if there was a far off fire in an adjacent town. Thick black clouds began to rampage their way through the crisp blue of the sky. And then came the rumbles of thunder, the flashes of lightning and sheets of rain so thick that everything was as distorted as when you look through beer goggles.

Music Monday #20

This week is Everytime by Lincoln Hawk. It's real upbeat and just sort of happy, but at the same time the lyrics really just spoke to me. In particular the chorus... "Every time you walk away or run away you take a piece of me with you there"

change .

There must come a time in your life where you realize that you've been doing the same things too long. The world around you has ceased to move forward and evolve. And maybe, just maybe, the world is waiting for a catalyst. And that catalyst is you. I talked before about not settling for anything... but taking the necessary risks to make dreams come true and live the life that you truly want to live.

interesting .

There was something about when we met that struck a chord with me. For the sake of you, me, and the everyone, I can't disclose who you are... But there was just something that was there. I haven't the faintest idea of where it even came from, but one thing is true -- you weren't anything that I expected.

dreams .

What will it take to make you chase what you really want? What will it take to make you drop everything and do what you want. To find what you want to do, who you want to be with, to have the life you want to live? Why should we have to settle? What is going to be the last straw that breaks your back and finally makes you jump outside that enclosed box of comfort that you haven't yet had the heart to get out of? Why do we constantly have this 'I can't' mindset? It's ridiculous. Is it really that you can't? Or is it really that you won't?

alive in the city .

I've told you all before that the more time I spend in the city, the more I like it. I'm not sure where I'll end up after college, but I think that I'd really like spending some time living somewhere near the city. And when I say the city, I mean the city. Ya know, the Big Apple. The capital of the world. New York City. But I don't think Manhattan is for me... there's a point where it's too busy. I need a good separation.. just like I like a bit of time between home and work, or my apt and school, to clear your head after the day. I suppose the alternative to the busy life is northern Manhattan... but I'd rather not live in Harlem, thanks. My skin color might get me shot... (not trying to be racist at all I promise...)

emotional charisma .

It makes a huge difference to just have it, to have the spark, that amazing ability to just radiate positivity. Not only is it an extremely attractive trait in potential significant others, but it can brighten your day just the same by any person -- whether you're at work, out in the neighborhood, or dealing with anything consumer related. Let me elaborate, since you're probably wondering, why talk about something so trivial...

relationship reconciliation .

When the good things seem to come few and far between, and things must end between a couple, often times the best thing to do, at least in my experience... is to completely distance yourself from that person. For some that may be the last time that you ever talk to them, see them, or even think of them. Of course, they'll randomly pop up sometimes without you even realizing and all of a sudden you may be confronted with similar angry and hateful feelings, the same you may have felt when things ended.