advice for the LDR enthusiast .

Long distance relationships are not easy. But there are things you can do to make them easier... much easier. And so, given that I've been experiencing these things firsthand, I thought it would be nice to share them.

more humourous nonsense .

So, a comical post? Don't mind if I do!

This first popped into my head after what goes on on Twitter on the regs. I love those people that go out there and post vague shit on Twitter. For example... "Well seems like SOMEONE is in a good mood today..."

Dude, unless you name names you're just like those little trolls on Youtube who talk shit about everything and back up nothing. (We'll address them later). I think we all can agree that social media is probably THE WORST place you can spew your issues. Find a close friend to talk about that stuff with, and if you don't have any, well then you're on your own pal. And no, since you're thinking it and going to rag on me about it, Blogger is definitely NOT that sort of social media outlet. We're family here -- vent away :)

if you're bored at school .

This goes out to all the kids who hate their classes, are bored at school, and just dread going to class. These are not just the ancient tactics of watching the clock hands (who has analog clocks in school still anyways!?) or doodling and scribbling all over your notes. We're talking about those hour and a half long lectures that put you to sleep; we're talking about the "I can't possibly stay awake in this class anymore" moments and the "Please, help, someone save me!" times. And since I seem to love lists so much, what better format to put this in than a list!?

things i will never understand .

I haven't written something in a humourous light in quite some time. And therefore, today, you all have a treat (especially given that I am 6 bloody days behind where I'm supposed to be). And so, another list of entertaining nonsense. These are all things that I will never understand.

how to handle the heat of the south .

As you all know, I live in the lovely state of South Carolina, and to be perfectly frank, it's fucking hot. It's humid, it's sticky, it downpours pretty regularly, and it is like sitting in an oven. BUT. The best thing is, it's beatable. I would know; I've been doing it for almost four years. Here are my tips to you on how to beat the sticky humid heat of the south.

secrets to being a good kisser .

So how in the world am I going to type this post without coming off sounding like a total pompous arrogant ass? Good question. But allow me to try... I've been told by several of the people I've dated in the past (and some that I haven't) that I'm a very good kisser (nope, still sounds pompous). And I've never really tried to do anything super spectacular, and it's not like I have some sort of Superman drug-infused tongue that makes people think that I am a good kisser. Maybe it just comes naturally? (yep, very pompous indeed...).

the little things .

When people enter relationships, or even before that, there are some things you can usually tell right off the bat. It's easy to tell when someone is willing to go above and beyond just to put a smile on your face. I call these, 'the little things'. These are the things that you don't expect, the things that catch you off guard, the things that make you instantly grin ear to ear, the things that pop into your head over and over throughout the day and make you think 'I can't believe they are so thoughtful that...'.

comical words of wisdom: the food edition

After the last set of these that I did (which still remains nameless, because NONE of you even attempted to come up with a name!) was wildly successful and entertaining to many a reader, I've decided to bring it back for another go. This time, food, is the subject of satire, and these are obviously things that all of you will want to remember first and foremost throughout your lives.

Feel free to read Part 1.

comical words of wisdom .

This is completely random, made up on the spot, yet all hold some sort of truth. These are the words of wisdom. Also, this is going to be made into a series. It has yet to be named. If you leave a comment with a suggestion for a name, I'll pick the best one and do something cool to do for you. Pinky promise.

1. If there is a turtle in the road, don't swerve to avoid it. If it dies, it's natural selection. It's slow as fuck anyways.
2. Seeing a fox is a rare occurrence. Savor the moment. They are, after all, the gingers of the animal society.
3. Blasting on the gas doesn't mean you have a fast car, it just means you're a douchebag.
4. I don't care how scared you are a cop will pull you over, that's no reason to go 10 under the limit.
5. If you see a kid with swag who you know is not from your state, they're probably from New Jersey.
6. Starlight mints are the best thing to entertain your mouth on long drives. And they leave your breath smelling unbelievably minty.
7. Work is only as good as you make it. Keep a positive attitude. Also, be friendly because bullshitting with people passes the time.
8. No one uses those stupid Aol acronyms anymore. So stop with the lqtm, pos, rofl, etc. Big kiddies use real words.
9. If you think someone is attractive, ask them out for a drink. You never know what might happen.
10. Return the favor and pass the torch when it's your turn. When the older kids bought you alcohol when you were a minor, you damn well better be good enough to do the same for your future successors.
11. Anything new you buy for your car is going to be expensive. This includes mods, aftermarket stuff, repairs, gas etc. Keep this in mind when buying one.
12. Your parents will probably never fully understand you. Good thing too, because they probably wouldn't want to know all your dirty little secrets anyways.
13. If you aren't focused on what you need to do you can waste an incredible amount of time on the internet.
14. All the cool kids spell words like favourite and colour in the British manner. And then learn the accent to complement it.
15. Mac Lethal is the best rapper alive. Hands down. With the exception of maybe Eminem.
16. On the subject of rappers, 95% of them sing about 3 things. Dolla billzzz, sex, and drugs. Don't even argue that one.
17. YOLO is a stupid acronym. You may only live once, but people can label you as an idiot, douche, and a whore as many times as they like. Keep that in mind, and use the saying appropriately, you know, to do things like take the trip of a lifetime or marry the girl you've been in love with for forever and a half.
18. Just because I'm young doesn't mean that I don't have any wisdom to give. And just because you're old doesn't mean you have any either.
19. In NJ not only do you get your gas pumped for you, but you're literally not allowed to do it yourself. Naturally that would make the cost more, right? Wrong. It's cheaper than most states. Because that makes sense.
20. Canada is probably the most made fun of yet most underrated country. Let's be real; Canada is the shit.
21. If you're buying something that says "just add water" you are probably a terrible cook. Also, just so you know, it won't taste good either.
22. Don't wake and bake. When people wake up to the smell of cookies, they are hungry. When they're hungry, they eat a lot. When they eat a lot of cookies, they get fat. And when they get fat they will be angry at you. Save your baking for later in the day. (Bet you thought I was going to say something about weed, right? Nooope. Boom, roasted).
23. Putting gel in your hair after a shower is like cleaning your hair, and then deciding you want to fuck it back up again.
24. Window screens are useless if they have holes in them.
25. When I was younger, I tied my shoes once and slipped my shoes on and off. Now I realize that the laces are there for a reason, and I tie my shoes daily.

More to come at a later date. Let me know if you liked this and if there should be more. :)