After the last set of these that I did (which still remains nameless, because NONE of you even attempted to come up with a name!) was wildly successful and entertaining to many a reader, I've decided to bring it back for another go. This time, food, is the subject of satire, and these are obviously things that all of you will want to remember first and foremost throughout your lives.
Feel free to read Part 1.
Showing posts with label words of wisdom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label words of wisdom. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
comical words of wisdom .
This is completely random, made up on the spot, yet all hold some sort of truth. These are the words of wisdom. Also, this is going to be made into a series. It has yet to be named. If you leave a comment with a suggestion for a name, I'll pick the best one and do something cool to do for you. Pinky promise.
1. If there is a turtle in the road, don't swerve to avoid it. If it dies, it's natural selection. It's slow as fuck anyways.
2. Seeing a fox is a rare occurrence. Savor the moment. They are, after all, the gingers of the animal society.
3. Blasting on the gas doesn't mean you have a fast car, it just means you're a douchebag.
4. I don't care how scared you are a cop will pull you over, that's no reason to go 10 under the limit.
5. If you see a kid with swag who you know is not from your state, they're probably from New Jersey.
6. Starlight mints are the best thing to entertain your mouth on long drives. And they leave your breath smelling unbelievably minty.
7. Work is only as good as you make it. Keep a positive attitude. Also, be friendly because bullshitting with people passes the time.
8. No one uses those stupid Aol acronyms anymore. So stop with the lqtm, pos, rofl, etc. Big kiddies use real words.
9. If you think someone is attractive, ask them out for a drink. You never know what might happen.
10. Return the favor and pass the torch when it's your turn. When the older kids bought you alcohol when you were a minor, you damn well better be good enough to do the same for your future successors.
11. Anything new you buy for your car is going to be expensive. This includes mods, aftermarket stuff, repairs, gas etc. Keep this in mind when buying one.
12. Your parents will probably never fully understand you. Good thing too, because they probably wouldn't want to know all your dirty little secrets anyways.
13. If you aren't focused on what you need to do you can waste an incredible amount of time on the internet.
14. All the cool kids spell words like favourite and colour in the British manner. And then learn the accent to complement it.
15. Mac Lethal is the best rapper alive. Hands down. With the exception of maybe Eminem.
16. On the subject of rappers, 95% of them sing about 3 things. Dolla billzzz, sex, and drugs. Don't even argue that one.
17. YOLO is a stupid acronym. You may only live once, but people can label you as an idiot, douche, and a whore as many times as they like. Keep that in mind, and use the saying appropriately, you know, to do things like take the trip of a lifetime or marry the girl you've been in love with for forever and a half.
18. Just because I'm young doesn't mean that I don't have any wisdom to give. And just because you're old doesn't mean you have any either.
19. In NJ not only do you get your gas pumped for you, but you're literally not allowed to do it yourself. Naturally that would make the cost more, right? Wrong. It's cheaper than most states. Because that makes sense.
20. Canada is probably the most made fun of yet most underrated country. Let's be real; Canada is the shit.
21. If you're buying something that says "just add water" you are probably a terrible cook. Also, just so you know, it won't taste good either.
22. Don't wake and bake. When people wake up to the smell of cookies, they are hungry. When they're hungry, they eat a lot. When they eat a lot of cookies, they get fat. And when they get fat they will be angry at you. Save your baking for later in the day. (Bet you thought I was going to say something about weed, right? Nooope. Boom, roasted).
23. Putting gel in your hair after a shower is like cleaning your hair, and then deciding you want to fuck it back up again.
24. Window screens are useless if they have holes in them.
25. When I was younger, I tied my shoes once and slipped my shoes on and off. Now I realize that the laces are there for a reason, and I tie my shoes daily.
More to come at a later date. Let me know if you liked this and if there should be more. :)
1. If there is a turtle in the road, don't swerve to avoid it. If it dies, it's natural selection. It's slow as fuck anyways.
2. Seeing a fox is a rare occurrence. Savor the moment. They are, after all, the gingers of the animal society.
3. Blasting on the gas doesn't mean you have a fast car, it just means you're a douchebag.
4. I don't care how scared you are a cop will pull you over, that's no reason to go 10 under the limit.
5. If you see a kid with swag who you know is not from your state, they're probably from New Jersey.
6. Starlight mints are the best thing to entertain your mouth on long drives. And they leave your breath smelling unbelievably minty.
7. Work is only as good as you make it. Keep a positive attitude. Also, be friendly because bullshitting with people passes the time.
8. No one uses those stupid Aol acronyms anymore. So stop with the lqtm, pos, rofl, etc. Big kiddies use real words.
9. If you think someone is attractive, ask them out for a drink. You never know what might happen.
10. Return the favor and pass the torch when it's your turn. When the older kids bought you alcohol when you were a minor, you damn well better be good enough to do the same for your future successors.
11. Anything new you buy for your car is going to be expensive. This includes mods, aftermarket stuff, repairs, gas etc. Keep this in mind when buying one.
12. Your parents will probably never fully understand you. Good thing too, because they probably wouldn't want to know all your dirty little secrets anyways.
13. If you aren't focused on what you need to do you can waste an incredible amount of time on the internet.
14. All the cool kids spell words like favourite and colour in the British manner. And then learn the accent to complement it.
15. Mac Lethal is the best rapper alive. Hands down. With the exception of maybe Eminem.
16. On the subject of rappers, 95% of them sing about 3 things. Dolla billzzz, sex, and drugs. Don't even argue that one.
17. YOLO is a stupid acronym. You may only live once, but people can label you as an idiot, douche, and a whore as many times as they like. Keep that in mind, and use the saying appropriately, you know, to do things like take the trip of a lifetime or marry the girl you've been in love with for forever and a half.
18. Just because I'm young doesn't mean that I don't have any wisdom to give. And just because you're old doesn't mean you have any either.
19. In NJ not only do you get your gas pumped for you, but you're literally not allowed to do it yourself. Naturally that would make the cost more, right? Wrong. It's cheaper than most states. Because that makes sense.
20. Canada is probably the most made fun of yet most underrated country. Let's be real; Canada is the shit.
21. If you're buying something that says "just add water" you are probably a terrible cook. Also, just so you know, it won't taste good either.
22. Don't wake and bake. When people wake up to the smell of cookies, they are hungry. When they're hungry, they eat a lot. When they eat a lot of cookies, they get fat. And when they get fat they will be angry at you. Save your baking for later in the day. (Bet you thought I was going to say something about weed, right? Nooope. Boom, roasted).
23. Putting gel in your hair after a shower is like cleaning your hair, and then deciding you want to fuck it back up again.
24. Window screens are useless if they have holes in them.
25. When I was younger, I tied my shoes once and slipped my shoes on and off. Now I realize that the laces are there for a reason, and I tie my shoes daily.
More to come at a later date. Let me know if you liked this and if there should be more. :)
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