5:41am .

It simply doesn't get any better than this. Well worth getting up for any day of the week. 

When No One Else Is Looking .

Judging a person's character is not always easy to do. Sometimes it takes a long time and you really need to spend a long time getting to know someone in order to actually get a bearing on what they're all about. Some are more up front about the type of person they are, but who knows if they are just saying all this? You see, good person or not, true humility is not about doing good deeds specifically to be noticed. Good deeds are good deeds, true values exist regardless of whose eyes are upon you.

And I think that is where the difference quite clearly lays. In order to prove this point, you may have to be a little creepy. Because the people with the purest and truest hearts are those who are inherently good people, always helping and consoling and offering their love to others, when no one is even looking. In a society so often immersed with performance-based rewards, we sometimes think that we should always be recognized and congratulated on our efforts towards a good deed.

Instead, you should try to make them less noticeable. You may not get a medal, you may not get a pat on the back, you may be the only one in the whole universe who actually knows. But whoever you went out of your way to help, whoever you affected by your actions, they will remember it for the rest of their lives.

Having complete and total humility is one of my biggest goals in life. To be able to honestly want to offer myself where I am needed, to whomever is in need of a prayer. I think that I don't really do that enough. I do try to reach out, and the few who I think I have touched have really been so appreciative.

Having been on the receiving end of that, it's such an awesome feeling. To know that people out there truly give a shit. That they truly want to be there for you no matter how long it's been since you last chatted, to get your back, to help you back up off the ground, and all of the other wonderful things friends do. Sometimes they come out of the woodwork just in the nick of time. But even more amazing? Those who are strangers. The person who stops on the side of the road when your car breaks down. The person who helps put groceries in your car. There are some truly amazing people out there.

Keep your eyes and ears open today. Stop the busy highway of thoughts running through your brain of things you need to do, food you need to buy, and errands you need to run, and just watch the people around you. See if you can spot these secret little knights in shining armor, doing their great work in the shadows, without anyone else even noticing.

Break the Cycle

As the days pass I think many of us get into habits that become so rigid we forget how to get out of that rut. Walk the same path enough times and it becomes second nature. Run your car through the same tracks enough times and pretty soon it's actually difficult to not drive in the path. With work schedules the way they are, most people function on the Monday to Friday 9-5 schedule, and therefore everything else is just sort of fit in around it.

My morning starts at 4:45am. That's the first alarm -- the one that says, you don't need to get up right now, but soon. The second alarm goes off at 5am. This is the one that says, you should probably get up now. If I'm really tired I'll wait for the third one and turn this one off. Finally the third one goes off at 5:05am, and it's the one that says, get out of bed man you gotta be at work soon and you need time to eat and everything else! The ringtone is even a jolting one too (ever seen the opening to CSI: Miami? That's what it is) to make sure I wake up.

By 5:15am I'm changed and out to breakfast (always been one to shower the night before; it's nice being clean when you get into bed). I literally take virtually the same path, as I grab my dishes, a box of cereal, daily vitamin, drink, open the blinds, and then sit down and open my laptop. While I eat, I catch up on blogs, look at some architecture articles, and check email.

Normally by 5:30am I am finished eating and make my lunch for the day and brush my teeth, at which point I sit down in the same chair facing the same way each day and put on my boots. I close the pantry, hit the lights, lock the door on my way out, and I'm off to work. It even goes so far that I always take the same route to work, the same route through the parking lot, and park in the same spot.

Now maybe it was a little ridiculous to explain one hour of my day in such detail just to illustrate a point. But I do all this virtually without even thinking. Just this morning, there was an event going on super early and as a result there were a lot more people at the club at 6am than normal. It threw off my whole morning routine and I even ended up forgetting things that I normally do.

I think, though, that these small intrusions are part of what makes life interesting. It keeps you on your toes. And when our time in this life is limited, it's important to remember how easy it is to fall into the "boring old daily routine." And then avoid it. Keep things interesting. Take a new way to work. Mix it up.

I've mentioned this before but I often forget how each day is such a gift. That each day can be completely and totally special. And quite honestly, each day should be. Last night I asked my brother if he wanted to do something and we just grabbed some Wawa for dinner and headed out to Sandy Hook. I haven't been to the city in around six months and I've been dying to go. I recently read an article that Freedom Tower is now just about complete, since adding the antenna on, and I have to say it is breathtaking.

As the haze settled over the water last night and sun dropped below the horizon, Freedom Tower stood alone in the skyline, virtually twice as tall as anything near it. I remember as a kid when I used to go to Sandy Hook with the family and see the twin towers standing there proudly. According to the article, if the antenna counts in the overall height, it will be the tallest building in America. How appropriate -- Freedom first.

Today, break the cycle of what your everyday life is used to. Try something new. Be a different person today. Treat yourself. Do something crazy. Whatever happens, make memories. Every day is precious, and memories are all we really have to hold on to them.

The Words No One Wants to Hear: Unemployment

In the economy as of late, money seems to be a problem that plagues the lives of just about everyone across the country, maybe even across the world. And while the stock market and perhaps the government would have us believe that things are getting better, an article I saw today speaks otherwise. Unemployment continues to grow. The "fixes" that we have implemented may produce fake advances in the economy, and are more often than not temporary solutions to problems that, in my opinion, will continue to grow.

Check the link here.

With two more years of school ahead of me, I consider myself lucky in that I have a few more years to gain some new connections and begin to search out a permanent (or at least semi-permanent) place to work once I graduate. At the same time, I am not exactly thrilled that I will be accumulating more debt for my education. But what is one to do? If the job market is bad, do as many in the past have done; go to school and get more education, and hope that by the time you're done with school, the economy will be doing a little better.

With potentially catastrophic economic problems looming on the horizon, it's far too easy to just sweep the terrible thoughts and horror stories under the rug and pretend that we'll be able to deal with them another day. I'm not sure if a day will come within the near future where I feel completely calm about the future. We're all here trying to make a life, a career, settle down into something good.

It seems that in the coming years, according to this article, life will only get harder. As the saying goes, sometimes it's gotta get worse before it gets better. But where will rock bottom be? Only time will tell. Maybe in the end we'll all have to abandon some dreams and adopt new ones.

It's really hard to look at the future and stay positive. There are so many what-ifs. What if I graduate and can't get a job. What if I can't find a job within my career path. What if all that college tuition and time spent in education is wasted?

I guess in the end what the difference is now is to really put the pressure on myself to hold myself to a standard of excellence. Keep motivated, stay focused, don't give up. Every little ounce I can get myself ahead of the competition, I have to. Competitions, side projects, architectural networking, connections with my professors. If I really want to accomplish the things in life that I don't want to give up, it's what I have to do. Day one.

Memories & Dust

I spent the majority of yesterday listening to one specific pandora station and writing down the songs that I enjoyed from it. Every once in awhile I'll come across a station that just seems absolutely perfect. The songs carry your moods like the moon carries the waves gently to the shore, and come the chorus, your heart takes flight. One such song was a tune by Josh Pyke called Memories & Dust. It's definitely worth the time if you've got a minute. 

Often I wish that I had the money and the time to get in my car and just drive. It doesn't matter where I go or if I even have a destination. Sometimes the best part about being in the car is just moving, feeling like you are on the road to some heavenly place that never really comes into reach. Is perfection unattainable or do Utopias exist? I think that the answer is simple -- we find the most perfect places on our mind and thoughts. The special places that only we can access, the special places that only we have the key to, that is not simply hidden in the back of the sock drawer, but rather in a mental safe, miles behind the densest metals, password protected in every way imaginable. And should anyone ever have the privilege to access this space, may God bless their soup because they have been given a true gift. 

And thus we come to the title of this post. Memories & dust. From dust we came, and to dust we shall return. But our memories live on. And our memories are eternal, and while all other things around us may seem like they are crumbling, the memories remain steadfast.

Many are often quick to remind friends who are struggling to not live in the past. But to forget memories is to lose a part of ourselves, to allow them to become the very dust which we are to return to one day. Instead may we cherish the memories, embrace them; good bad and ugly. May we learn from our mistakes and soar through our successes. May our frustrations and shortcomings challenge us to be better, act better, and live life abundantly. I love that phrase: live life abundantly. I first heard it in the movie Seven Pounds starring Will Smith and I've embraced it as a virtue, a reminder to not wallow or despair, to not mope or allow negativity to pollute the mind. It's not always easy. In fact it probably never is. But it's a new beginning. An attempted fresh start.

Today, allow yourself some time to relive your memories. Feel elation from your triumphs, and feel pain from your despairs. But no matter what do not allow yourself to bury any of your memories! They are the quilt that wraps us and protects us from the cold night. And they will always, always, be solely yours. 

Lessons Learned From Seeming Happenstance .

There is a pretty large number of things in my life that I cannot explain. Of those things, I attribute a large percentage to some sort of practical decision that was not my own. Imagine if Life and you were playing a board game. But your hands were tied behind your back, and you didn't actually know who Life was, but just sort of watched the pieces move in front of you.

Now imagine that this Life character is God.

There are tons of quotes out there that reflect upon the idea that God is watching out for us in good times and in bad. That no matter how hard the shit hits the fan, no matter how often we stumble in our lives, no matter how often we overlook our virtues, make excuses for ourselves, beat ourselves up with guilt, treat people badly (including ourselves), and destroy pieces of this great Earth that was bestowed upon us, that no matter anything. He is with us.

Last night my brother and I talked about religion. We have different viewpoints, and our experiences with the church and all that being a Catholic entails have been pretty different too. But here are some stories and anecdotes of why I am a believer. There are things that have happened to me that cannot simply be explained by coincidence. There are too many levels of depth, too many unexplainable occurrences. The threads run deep, and often we can't tell when they all come together to make a knot -- but the journey there is certainly a hell of a ride.

The best example is my most recent breakup. I know that has played a large part in the subject matter in this blog for the past few months, but humor me.

After the breakup, I wanted to make sure I wouldn't have to deal with seeing this person who destroyed me all summer, and feverishly applied to a bunch of architecture related jobs so we wouldn't be working at the same place. I embraced a serious grudge into my heart and instead of addressing it, threw myself into schoolwork, and used it to fuel me into my applications. In the grand scheme of things, maybe this wasn't the best but everyone finds their ways to cope. Finals were coming up and I didn't want it to affect that (though I think in some ways it did).

As it turned out I didn't find anything in the job field related to architecture. I was stuck back at the country club. Stuck having to see a person I couldn't stand every day. And I hated every minute of it. I dreaded every single day. I relished my days off and blocked out everything I could at work.

I was still looking for architecture jobs, and but maybe not entirely for the right reasons. I got in contact with a random guy on Twitter, and asked if he was hiring anyone for the summer. He told me he was a one-man operation, but would keep me in mind.

He did tell me about an AIA function though, that he said he could put me down as his guest for. While he personally didn't offer me a job, he thought that maybe I could at least make some connections there. So I got out my finest suit, brought along a notebook and headed up to North Jersey a few days later.

While I was there, I looked at the projects and such but I've never really been good at schmoozing with people that I don't know. I felt a little bit out of my league. Even just hearing the conversations; most of these people were license with projects and more under their belt. Out of nowhere, a tall intimidating man marched right up to me and introduced himself, and commented that I look like a student. I said I was, and I was looking for jobs for the summer.

By the end of the talk, he had given me his contact info, and pretty much told me (as opposed to asking) to come in for an interview the very next day.

I went in the next afternoon, talked with four or five people, and ended up chatting with the HR guy for almost two hours.

Four days later, when I was on vacation, I got a call from the HR rep saying I got the job. Unfortunately, given my long commute (1.5 hours each way) and the poor salary ($10/hr) relative to my current working situation, I was forced to decline, as I really need the money for grad school.

And so I was forced to stay at the country club. I felt good knowing that I could still get a job, though. I've always believed that if I could just get into an interview, I'd get an offer. That was a great boost to my confidence. And even though I'm still at the country club and never ended up landing an architecture job this summer, I'm happy I got one interview under my belt.

But I think that I wasn't supposed to work there. God wanted me to get the job, and feel the elation of earning it with my own skill set and my own interview, but he wanted me to be stuck at Trump. Because he wanted me to learn how to forgive. He wanted me to learn compassion, and to get over the grudge that I harbored so deep inside. And if I just ran away from my problems, yes I would be escaping, but the problem wouldn't be fixed. And I'd end up moving to Oregon already damaged.

Over the past week or so, I've found it in my heart to forgive. And I've made that known to the parties involved. It took a really long time, but I realized that I didn't want to move to the other half of the country without at least attempting amends. It would simply continue to rot me away over time. Maybe the journey doesn't end here. But I think it was definitely one of the key moments.

If we want to get even deeper, we could even say that that particular relationship itself was a gift and a challenge to better myself at communicating in relationships, managing personal space and lives while miles and miles apart; forcing us to become closer through all that we had -- being text messages, voicemails, picture messages, talking on the phone, and Skype.

And even deeper that maybe the reason for that separation in the first place was to gain a more solid appreciation for all those things intangible that happen in a relationship that many people take for granted.

This thread of life is a pretty epic one if I do say so myself. Yet only a small piece of the loom that weaves together to form everything we know as our own respective lives.

Other times, if I just mention them quickly, include that when I prayed I would always feel tingles run down the same places in my body; and know that that was representative of my prayers being heard. Do you know how awesome it is to pray and feel like it's not just you talking to nothing, but rather having a conversation?

Years ago when I used to sail, I used to always feel my grandfather with me. He loved sailing, and when I was out on the boat with the wind in my sails, I could feel him there, smiling. Loving the minute, hearing the water lapping up against the boat as you heeled in the stiff breeze, roasting under the sun but beaming.

Is there such a thing as coincidence? Maybe. Is there a God? Maybe. But whatever you believe in, whatever religion you practice, whether you practice at all or not, one thing can be certain -- there are lessons to be found in those moments will affect your life in ways no one could have expected.

Wawa Bro Talks .

I spent the night with someone who means a lot to me, talking about life. What started off as a casual trip to Wawa turned into serious life talks about lifestyle, self examination, relationships and more.

We opted to spend the time as my brother normally does with his friends, plopped on the lip of the bed of the truck, with a hoagie and a drink. I think perhaps it is this sort of casual setting that breeds some of the most interesting conversations. It's even better that I have someone who can simultaneously relate to what I have to say and also challenge my viewpoints.

The dead quiet of the lot envelops us now as the night grows later, save for the few late night visitors to the convenience store or gas station. However, despite the void lot, my heart is full and my spirit grows stronger with the talks like these.

What sorts of places breed ponderous conversations for you? Who are the people that bring out the best in you?