At first glance it may seem that this post is going to be about love and relationships. Well, perhaps it may indirectly involve relationships, but not of the sort that is normally thought of at this juncture. For this is a matter not of love and friendship so much as it is religion.
Since we've been here in Barcelona a group of kids has gone to a church called the International Church of Barcelona. It was conveniently located; it's about a half hour walk away. It's non denominational, so anyone can really go and be okay with it so long as they are some sort of Christian. They even speak English primarily, which is obviously a huge help.
But the thing is, I don't like this place. I tried super hard to give it a chance. I tried to try something new; I tried to stick with something that was so very obviously outside of my comfort zone, outside of what I knew, and outside of what I considered to be church and mass. It breaks from the tradition that I am used to in so many ways.
Someone pointed out to me that when we leave I never look happy. That church should not be a chore, but rather something refreshing that really allows you to work on your relationship with God. This place, if anything, I feel, hinders me from being able to do that. Being Catholic, it's hard to find a church that fits you just right if there are no Catholic churches around. There are certain things about Catholic mass that I just really miss.
I miss weekly communion, and the Eucharist. I miss being able to kneel and pray in silence after partaking in the body and blood of Christ. The time that I get to talk just me and God. I miss the structure, the traditional psalms and hymns, and the prayers. I miss being able to proudly profess my faith within in a congregation. All in all I just miss church as it should be, in my world. I don't want to feel like I'm at a concert; I don't want to feel like going to a service will make me miserable. And I don't want to have to dread special time with God every week. Because that's what it has been like... miserable.
This coming weekend, I'm trying a different church. I found a Catholic one that speaks English. And while it is farther away and I'll have to take the metro to get there, I'm hoping that the payoff will be well worth it. Here's to crossing my fingers...