connections .

As I was laying on the couch today trying to figure out what the heck I was supposed to do with all this free time, when an interesting thought crossed my mind.

(random insert, sometimes I just want to tell my parents to go fuck themselves.)

SO anyways, I realized after a while that it seems like no matter what happens, if you want to hang out with people when you are home on a break, you have to initiate it yourself. It seems like people never want to do anything, or at least they don't want to make a decision to do so.

Why is that? Every year when I come home for break, I always make a list of people I want to make sure I see, people I make sure that I keep in contact with, and people that are important to me that I want to stay connected with. And when I come home and suggest that I hang out with some people, they all seem so gung ho to do it, and then it never happens.

What is it that about plans that is so hard to carry through with them? I don't get it. If you want to stay in touch with someone, and want to hang out, why not just suggest to do something? But I guess that's just typical for anyone. If there is no set time and date for something, it will cease to exist until that set time and date is voiced and agreed upon.

This is disappointing to me. If someone is going to make the effort to stay in touch with me while I'm away at school, I'm going to remember that. Especially since I go to school so far away. And I'll do my best to try to make some time for them and hang out with them at and make some time for them. And why shouldn't I? These are people that mean a lot to me -- I wouldn't ask them to hang out if they didn't. And I feel like if I'm gonna put myself out there and try real hard to stay close with them, the least I deserve is at least the same respect in return.

Instead, I find myself the one to make the plans, and constantly remind someone we have plans, or something like that. After awhile, and after it happening with a bunch of people, the last thing you want to do is to even attempt to get together with anyone. But I'd rather not sit at home and do nothing all day. Granted, I have things I could be doing instead of just lying around. But regardless there always seems to be a lack of motivation there. That's just life. If it takes even a bit of effort and if I feel like I have to do it, I most likely won't make it a priority on break.

Regardless, I do want to hang out with these people, and I do want them to know I care about them -- which is saying a lot, because I really don't care much for the town I grew up in, or the people in it. It was just everyone is so rich, and so rude and or immature, or arrogant. I don't need that.

But maybe this could be a wake-up call to people in the future. That if they realize someone's really trying to get in touch with them and stay close, they'll put in that effort; if they feel the same way of course. Obviously if you don't want anything to do with someone you're not going to try hard to hang with them. That's cool. Just let them know first, so they don't waste their time.

Break is already a quarter over -- just trying to make the most of it.