friends.

Ever had that feeling that you've just discovered someone's true colors? That all of sudden, that person wasn't who you thought they were? It's such a disappointment. And it seems like it can happen at any time and at the time when you are least expecting it.

I sometimes wonder if people realize the type of person that they show themselves to be when they act like this. Have you ever asked someone to be a part of something and they just sort of blow you off to do something else that doesn't even make sense? Maybe people generally happen to have a sense of selfishness built inside them. I know I certainly struggle with it. In virtually every situation you can separate the decisions that would serve you from the ones that would help others. And I can pretty much guarantee that 9 times out of 10 we pick the one for personal gain. How sad that this is not more well realized.

Oddly enough, if you are the selfless one, the other person may be selfish in trying to get you to be selfless. (That was a mouthful..) What a weird world we live in. And the craziest thing is that if someone offends you like that, the person probably doesn't even realize they ticked you off -- unless of course you actually tell them.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I wish everyone supported each other more and were more selfless in general -- and this definitely does not exclude myself. Yet my mind is so constantly focused on what I want, or need, or think I need, that I think I am blinded by my own desire. Sure, I'm not a terrible person (or at least I'd like to think not) but there is always that part of me that knows that I can be better than I am. There are always improvements to be made and there are always things that we can do better.

But what really constitutes being a great friend? I've had friends I don't talk to for months. But it's just kinda understood that we're friends. Doesn't matter how long we're apart we pretty much just pick up right where we left off when we finally get to spend some time together. How cool is that? That the distance and the time means virtually nothing, and that the important thing is knowing you have someone who always has your back and will support you and encourage you in all that you do.
 Those people are the ones I want to hold on to until my dying day. Because I know that no matter what challenges I face, no matter how face down in the dirt I feel, and no matter what happens, I have them right beside me. I am so thankful for those people.

Ever eaten a meal with someone in complete silence and had it be no big deal? Sometimes people just click like that. And yet there are times when I've eaten with people in silence and it has been the most awkward experience of my life, and I end up endlessly blabbing in order to fill the empty space. Why is it that it is so hard to let silence sit? Who knows. One of the mysteries of life I suppose, that sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Maybe it's just that comfort of that person being there with you and knowing you're not alone.

So sure, friends can be a disappointment sometimes. But, that's life. In the end I feel that you have to remember that people come and go, and sometimes they don't realize what they're doing, or maybe I'm just making a big deal out of it and in the end it doesn't matter. In the end you're on your own, and sometimes you just gotta roll with it. Just really bugged me today, so I figured I'd talk about it. However, through all of this thought I feel I've been inspired to be there for more people if need be, and maybe check in with those who I haven't talked with in awhile (so HELLO! you know who you are).

So let me start that turning-over-of-a-new-leaf with this in closing:

If I sent you here and you're reading this, I got your back. May you excel in all that you do, and may God bless you endlessly. May you always feel comfortable giving me a call if you need anything, and may I always be able to be there for you when you need me. No matter what happens, I'll do my best to make things better for you, or at the very least provide an ear to listen with. Although no one is perfect, well; I can sure as hell try, for you.