Thursday, June 27, 2013

Reasons Why the Mall is Dumb .

I recently went to the mall to pick up a few cheap-o shirts. I forgot how much I hate the mall. Now you get to listen to me complain :)

1. Parking. It's always an issue. Somebody always tries to run you over. Who caressss. Walk a little farther!
2. Mall security. Honestly, it's a joke. What are you doing with your life. And how many donuts have you eaten today?
3. Mall rats. They're always there. All around. And they're inescapable. I'm never going to let my kids go to the mall to just "hang out." Whatever that means.
4. Kiosk salespeople. They hate their life and their job, but their job depends on selling you shit. And so God forbid you make eye contact with them, they'll probably talk to you. But no, buddy, just because I have an earring doesn't mean that I want to buy all kinds of shitty jewelry from you. Nor do I want shampoo, or moisturizer, or any of that other crap.
5. Lines. At the Starbucks, in the stores, and even dodging all the people moving in lines between the stores. It's like playing Frogger ... only I'm an asshole driver blasting down the road dodging all these damn frogs.
6. They get rid of good stuff! Like there used to be a Johnny Rockets at our local mall. It no longer exists, and was replaced by Qdoba. I don't even know how to pronounce that shit. Johnny Rockets is an American classic. And you replaced it with Mexico. How unamerican.
7. All the people. SOOOO MANY PEOPLEEEE. I guess people just have nothing better to do. Oh well, I guess it's better than sitting around watching TV all day!

There's definitely more of these but I'm exhausted and it's time for bed! Goodnight!


  1. I only go once per year to our mall in Lexington - and that's on Black Friday. I've always said they need to have bars in malls so that a person can take a couple of shots and calm their nerves!

  2. Frogger. Oh my friend you make me laugh out loud. Whining can be theraputic. Nice venting!!

  3. haha,
    i know. i only go to the mall if : 1. i want to go to a book store. 2. i need something that's only available there. otherwise, no.


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