Saturday, January 7, 2012

men have changed .

I read an article a few days ago that talked about how men need to cheat. Okay, first off, this really caught my eye, because I have always believed in monogamous relationships, and that being monogamous with a partner is the best way that things will work. Even the hint that cheating is becoming socially okay is extremely disheartening. Miss Vicki Larson of the Huffington Post reports that monogamy is not only failing men, but that it is also a socially compelled sexual incarceration that can lead to a life of anger and contempt. These studies were conducted by Dr. Eric Anderson and the following beliefs are his, and not Miss Larson's.

Say what? Hold the phone just a moment... You really believe, that the solution to anger and contempt in relationships, is to let other people just do whoever they want and get away with it? Something sounds a little fishy here...

Cheating for men is described as a helper in their marital relationship. It is said that if they cheat, men can keep the emotional relationship that they have with their wife, and be sexually fulfilled by everyone else. I just can't believe this the more I read it. It sounds like these marriages have been arranged, like people who are married are simply married to have a small emotional bond with some kids on the side... I don't know about you, but I'd like to be actually attracted to the person I married. Not to mention I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I ever openly cheated on my wife...

Eric Anderson, writer of some book and blah blah blah, is the backing behind these thoughts. I'm not a fan, clearly. This Anderson guy wonders why people are more upset at those who have flings while they're married and not those who give up a marriage and divorce because of sex.

Well, first of all, I don't think that sex is the primary reason for divorce... and if it is, then wouldn't you agree that these people shouldn't be married in the first place? I believe that people in our modern world are either easily infatuated or jump too soon at the thought of being married. And then there are those that get married because their premarital "fun" resulted in pregnancy, and of course, the parents want them to "stay together for the kid." Not to mention stresses on families due to economic problems in the country, the difficulty of finding jobs, and the constant support of wars overseas that are rapidly depleting our country of young men and women. There are plenty of things that could contribute to divorce -- is sex really the primary reason? I haven't done any studies, but I'd be willing to guess it's not.

Anderson goes on to say that not having monogamous relationships are important for today's young men, because they seem bored of monogamous sex after having multiple encounters of premarital sex, and the accessibility of pornography that is hauntingly everywhere.

So let me get this straight -- just because guys feel that they can't keep it in their pants, we should make it socially acceptable to cheat? Just because people fall prey to pornography, instead of trying to help them recover and rid the world of it, we accept that it "just is" and adjust marital rites? And just because people think it's a great idea to go around having sex with anything that walks in high school and college, that they should be able to do that in marriage too?

I'm furious at these things. It's just so wrong. Marriage is about so much more than how it is portrayed. It's such a truly special bond and it's really important to keep in mind all of those things that we say "I do" too during our ceremony. Being with this person is a wonderful, fantastic privilege. Being there in good times and bad, til death do us part. Being with them mentally, emotionally, sexually, and in every other way. Sharing ourselves with each other, and discovering the small nuances about each other every day. I hope to have that kind of connection with someone one day, to the point where I know they are the perfect girl to marry.

This idea of making monogamy extinct is so upsetting. As a devout Christian brought up strongly in Catholicism, I made myself a promise to stay a virgin for the girl I will eventually marry. I haven't found her yet, but I hope to, and I hope she's saved herself too. I hate the idea of a polygamous world... and I hope that maybe society is saved from its grasp before it's too late. Would love to hear your thoughts on all of this...


  1. Just to correct you — Anderson is not saying anything "through Larson"; Dr. Eric Anderson did a study and wrote a book based on that study. I, as a journalist, read his book and interviewed him about his conclusions. This is called reporting, in case you don't know what journalists do. Those are not my opinions, those are not necessarily my beliefs, that is not my study and that is not my book.

  2. apologies for that. when i said through, i meant that you were the one forwarding information.. not necessarily that you were the one believing it or supporting it. i'll change that though to be more correct. i read the omg chronicles that you linked though. thanks for sending me that. i apologieze for any seeming personal attack

  3. No attack taken, but I appreciate your apology. Sometimes people want to "shoot the messenger" and assume the messenger has an agenda instead of just wanting to report on something interesting. Dr. Anderson's study was interesting (and disturbing and thought-provoking), so I thought he'd be a good person to interview.

  4. Amen, man. It's sickening to think that this "study" could make men believe they're entitled to act that way. The grounds for the study are ridiculous in the first place, because they assume that a man can be sexually fulfilled, when there is nothing in this world that can bring a human true fulfillment. Only Jesus can. I hate crap like this because it completely defiles the Godly union that you and I hope to have. I feel like by the time we get there, no one will respect the institution at all, the way the culture is getting more godless and instant gratification driven everyday.


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