Monday, April 23, 2012

Cooper sightings .

Inevitably at the end of the year the library goes from being a place of silent empty solitude to a bloodbath of people fighting for tables and study units. You see everyone walking around looking for a place to sit, and the one place you do find is the one damn table in the whole place that doesn't have an outlet nearby (though I must say, they've worked on that a lot and fixed it a lot).

Honestly, though when it gets to this point I find the library extremely distracting. How do people get anything done when there's always someone walking by or talking about something or doing something goofy. And then there's always that attractive girl in the corner doing her work and some kid wearing a shirt with something stupid on it. And the person that gets up to get coffee every ten minutes. It's just pure entertainment. Mmmm people watching at its best.

And so, as I sit here in Cooper Library I have just a few thoughts:

1. Dude, you're drinking Nos? You look like you weigh 80 pounds. That stuff might kill you.

2. To the girl who is wearing a crop top belly shirt. Are you fucking serious? At the library? This is not the club, kid. Not to mention you look 12 years old.

3. To those kids looking for a seat: you've made 4 laps around the 6th floor. Quite obviously, there are no seats for you up here. Fucking leave.

4. To that bitch on her cellphone. This is the library... leave, or shut the fuck up.

5. To that bro blasting his music: I don't care how much of a fratstar you are, I don't have to have to listen to your shitty music while I'm here studying.

6. "Hey, can you watch my stuff for a second?" Sure bud, I'll watch it get stolen and walk right out the door while you're shitting downstairs.

7. To the questionable character at the print station: Hmmm. I'm no expect, but you are almost definitely 110% gay.

8. To the girl touching up her makeup: In the library? Interesting. Well I don't care how much makeup you put on, quite honestly, it won't help much.

9. YOU'RE NOT WEARING ANY PANTS!!! Oh wait, you're just wearing skin-colored tights. What were you thinking when you picked that out this morning?

10. Are you really so desperate to have your own table that the better alternative is to sit on the floor like a bum?

11. No I will not plug in your laptop for you. I am not your slave.

12. The way you chew your food over there makes me sick. It also makes me want to punch you in the face.

13. Nice straw in your drink. Now stop slurping.

14. The garbage can is the furthest can away from the people passing by. That way, if you want to be a douche and put your recycling in the trash, you really have to work at it. Either that, or just put your trash in the recycle bin. Either way, the earth is not winning.

15. Your pants are so tight I can tell from all the way over here that you're going commando today. Hotness aside, that's gross.

16. If your shorts are so snug that you need to adjust them and pull them down every time you get up... well, you probably bought the wrong size.

17. Please keep your flip flops and shoes on when you're working here. No one wants to smell your rank-ass feet for the whole day.

18. I love your hipster glasses. No, really, I actually do.

19. Why do they even bother putting flyers up. They either end up on the ground or in the trash.

20. You look stoned out of your mind and you're carrying a skateboard. How did you manage to get here in one piece? Oh wait. Your face looks like it got run over by a truck...

Ah, gotta love being a total twat. Hope your day has been as entertaining as mine has!


  1. .... I like to sit on the floor! Granted, I'm the type of girl that'll do it while on the hunt for a good book to read, but if the library is that packed and I'm trying to study, I'll just go outside or something like that. Other than that, this made me laugh(: I'll now continue to catch up on your other posts...

    1. hahah. the best part is that i literally was only in the library for an hour or two and saw all of these things! just wild...

    2. I can be quite a people watcher sometimes so that sounds like 'twas a wonderful hour or two haha


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