every man for himself .

Over time I have come to the conclusion that perhaps I was meant to just do things alone. Sometimes dealing with people is just stressful and annoying. This may come off as very callous, though I assure you it is more of a personal refinement than an attempt to ridicule and alienate the general population. Allow me to explain.


I've been following a tv show called "Suits" which is a new show on the USA network. It basically got me motivated and pumped up to drive hard and strong for everything that I want in the future, whether the future in question is a couple days from now or 10 years down the road. In the past I have indeed applied for things like internships but if I'm being honest with myself, I really didn't try very hard. I put together my application and sent in my portfolio, but never called or tried to talk with anyone in particular, and even my cover letters were, in my opinion, bland and typical.

It's really hit or miss when it comes to potential employers. I'm thinking that from now on I'm going to make myself step out on a ledge a bit more. Maybe it will take a very unconventional cover letter to get someone's attention. It is the hope of any [future] architect that their designs will speak for themselves, but that's not always what happens. But there's got to be something that will help put you above other candidates. Everyone has good grades, good designs, teacher recommendations -- what can you put forth that no one else has?

Someone I was once close with described me as 'edgy.' Maybe that's the secret ingredient I can bring to the table. Not in the literal sense, of course, though I do prefer designing things with angles as opposed to curves... But this whole shindig needs to be approached with a fearless attitude, and a drive that will stop at nothing. It's the only way to live. Otherwise the time passes you by and nothing will ever change. Life is not and will not ever be handed to you on a silver platter. Or even a bronze one, for that matter.

There are plenty of things out there to inspire. Examples of determination, perseverance, never giving up. But it's a matter of being proactive. I hear things about other people getting great opportunities and going somewhere and creating their path. Enough with the bullshit. You want something? Fucking go get it. And there isn't a thing in the world that's going to stop it. I'm pretty much planning on plowing through any wall that decides to stand in the way.

And it starts now. No messing around with the things that don't matter. So the first step for me is priorities. Yes, there are other things going on and always will be. If someone told me that time management wasn't important for all of this I'd tell them they were lying. But I refuse to sit back and let the years when I am most seasoned for an internship or even just a summer job pass me by.

Immersion. It starts with the books. Then the modeling programs, both learning them and then designing and practicing the skills to always get better. Then there's the actual hunt -- going out there and forcing your way into interviews (however awful that may seem... it might set you apart from others) and being confident in what you know and what you'd like to learn. You can call me self-absorbed and selfish and all that. It doesn't really matter.

For now I suppose I can just 'stick my middle finger to the world' and get on with it all. Nothing is really going right for right now anyways. Time's wasting away and I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs. No more bullshit. Tomorrow may be another day -- but today sure as hell ain't over yet.