Saturday, July 16, 2011

the truth about lying .

Why is it so easy to lie and so hard to tell the truth? Honesty is such a big deal -- and I don't care about whether it's in a relationship with someone or not (though surely its importance is amplified in that situation...). I also think it's a sign of respect. If you don't respect someone, who's to say they even deserve to hear the truth from you? You might omit something or even just tell a lie straight to their face to get someone out of your hair. I've done it many times. A simple example is when people just say hello and ask how you're doing -- the expected response is good/alright/etc. I don't care if I'm having the shittiest day in the world; I'm going to say I'm doing well because I don't want to have to deal with people's pity, or confusion, or have to explain some longwinded drawn-out story. I'd much rather just deal with it on my own.

That's obviously a very simple example, but it happens all the time. I rarely ever tell people how I'm actually doing. Sometimes if I do, I don't even know how to explain why I'm so sour. There are things that are always going on in the back of my head that bother me, and sometimes they are more prevalent than other times. It's like something that nags you until you simply can't ignore it anymore. But I'm getting off topic.

Since we were kids we were taught lying wasn't right. Parents used to be able to see right through you. You'd quiver and shake and in my case, my face would turn all red. It was a sigh of relief when you got away with it. It's not that way anymore -- it's easy. Almost too easy.

Once trust is broken, it's really hard to get it back. If prior suspicions are confirmed it is even harder since the person already suspected something, and you obviously didn't tell them what was really going on. Even if trust is earned back, I think that there will always be that memory of when trust was broken. And there will always be a sort of wonder if it is being broken again right that minute.

I am nowhere near perfect. But I try my best not to lie -- at least when it counts. This is going to sound terrible, but I simply don't care. If it'll get me free from someone bugging me, I'm gonna do it. If it'll save my ass, hell yeah. I'm all for it. The only time where I would never lie is in a relationship. If they mean that much to me for me to open up (eventually if not immediately...) and tear down pieces of those walls, they at least deserve the courtesy of the truth at all times. I mean, that's part of the point right? Being with someone who you can talk to about anything and being able to tell them anything that's on your mind. That's quite valuable.

It's the people who don't mean anything though, where I don't care. Either that, or they mean very little. After realizing how much you get forgotten when you leave home, I'm at that point where I just don't give a shit. You realize that other people don't care. It's only best to reciprocate. And I don't wanna hear any of that 'two wrongs don't make a right' bullshit. It may not be right, but if it takes care of the situation then I can live with it.

It's not easy. And I don't think I'll ever get to that point where I am "lieless." But honestly, will anyone? Doubtful. It's too easy. And you don't even need anything but your imagination to make it happen. Pretty scary -- I can only hope that there are still decent people out there somewhere. Because right now, I'm questioning the thought.

I'm rereading bits and pieces of this and realizing I went off on tangents a bit. I'll revisit this tomorrow and write another post that is a bit more focused.

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