the looking-glass .

Tonight I got out of work at 9pm, and since dinner at work is at 430, I figured I would treat myself for once in awhile and head out for a bite to eat after. I tried to get some company, but all possibilities fell through, but I wasn't about to let that ruin anything too much. I must admit though, I was quite disappointed not to have some companionship -- but more on that later. Thus, I headed off to Park Place with plans for 1.


It was the weirdest thing walking into a restaurant, and upon asked how many, saying it was just yourself. I already knew what I wanted to order more or less, so I just ordered that along with the drink. The waiter I had was chill, and the host/manager was gracious enough to seat me in a nice little booth next to a window. Whether he knew it or not, that was just exactly what I needed.

Driving there and back became a surreal experience with the windows down, the wind dancing through my outstretched fingers as my arm dangled out the window. Though the temperature claimed to still be a warm 78 or so, the air rushing into my face certainly felt cool. The sky had been dashed with large streaks of dark blue and orange and purple, like something reminiscent of the sunsets down in Carolina.

With Dashboard Confessional blasting and me doing my best to attempt to sing along, perhaps a night out alone was just what the doctor ordered -- even if my 'night out' was simply a 20-30 minute meal at a diner. I can't reach all the notes of the songs, and I don't know 90% of the words, but that didn't stop me from belting what I did know. Maybe it was just escapism but to me it was mentally cleansing -- the one song that really struck me will most likely be next week's music Monday choice.

Sitting in a restaurant alone is a very odd experience. No one to talk to, and no one to pass the time with. I was able to look out the window as I often do at home, though, and watch the traffic passing by as the last tips of the sun's rays dipped behind the horizon. This experience might have given me a tiny taste of what it might be like on a trip round the country on a motorcycle - just me and the road. I would imagine after a trip like that you become a lot more friendly and open, simply just for the yearning of company and a good chat. I certainly missed that tonight.

I almost felt like taking one of those artsy pictures of a person looking away from the camera, gazing out the window. Didn't have my camera though. Despite the downs of the night, I think the small victories actually ended up outweighing the disappointments. Unfortunately this may begin to be understood as proven reason to continue to stay on my own and ride solo for a very long time.

Whether that happens or not, and whether I want it to or not, I can't really control what cards I'm dealt. The best way to live is to go all in, whether you're holding trip aces or a high 9.