Francis Bacon said that "a man dies as often as he loses friends." Coming from a kid who doesn't have a very extensive friends list, I think he's right. I've always felt more independent, and more often than not, wanted to be on my own a lot more than most. When I meet new people, I attempt to not get attached. After high school ended, lots of people went and disappeared; people I thought would have still been there. You know what I have to say to that?
If someone puts forth effort, I will too. But I was taught from a young age that people in your life, particular friends, are temporary. No one stays. And no one will always be there no matter how much they say it. You think they are honestly telling you the truth? Bullshit. Always there had to be some other outlet. I started writing, I starting putting down songs and laying down tracks. I'd get lost in my thoughts, read books, or just immerse myself in my job and exercise.
This is not to say that I don't have friends. But at this point, I think to expect my college friends to stick with me through the rest of life is ridiculous and naive. If people do attempt to stay in contact, I'll reciprocate. I'll certainly return the favor. But I've always considered myself a bit of an 'on his own' sort of kid. I love being able to put my headphones in and throw my sunglasses on and blast my music as I walk around campus, or cities, or even just town, and gush at the ability to just ignore everybody. To not give a fuck about what people are talking about, and instead live within my own realm on my own terms.
Some say this is antisocial. But honestly, man, I just don't need the company of other people all the time in order to enjoy myself. I've found ways to lose myself. I like the company of a good number of people at school -- people in my major, or some that I'm in Central Spirit with, or some that you just smoke cigs with in a tree. Yeah, I'm that quiet kid in the corner that'll pick driving to nowhere over going out to a party. I have my fun and I live my own life; and I don't need your help doing it.
Sometimes you get close. Sometimes you find those people who get you and know what make you tick and you get sucked in. It's happened too many times, and I get hurt man, I get hurt when life passes on by and years and a day go by before you hear from them again. Bacon's right -- it's like dying. It's like watching that person fade from your life entirely. But I'm not gonna wait on people anymore. The people who are there are there. And the rest can get the fuck out 'cause I ain't waiting anymore.