Wednesday, August 17, 2011

living without regrets .

Upon seeing this title you may have thought that this would be all about how I've lived my life to the fullest, and embraced even my mistakes, living without regret in all that I have done.

Well I'm about to get real; I think people who think they can live without regret is complete bullshit. Some will argue that it's possible... I just don't think it is. Some may say that because they've learned something from a mistake or something similar, that they don't regret it because of the thing that they learned. In my eyes... even if I learn something new, a tidbit of wisdom, I might very well still regret something I did.

Example: This is a hypothetical situation, but let's say you were an inherent speeder on the road. You were the guy swerving in and out of lanes and making the asphalt your playground. One day you lose control and hit some guy on the sidewalk. The guy ends up hospitalized and the doctors aren't sure that he's going to make it. Whether he lives or not, wouldn't you regret the fact that you hit this guy? After all, driving fast was just a fun means to exhilaration. I can't think of anyone in their right mind who would say, 'No, I actually am thankful I hit that guy because it made me a safer driver.' I'm sure the hospitalized dude would love to hear that -- and immediately after roundhouse kick you in the face.

And thus, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that living without regrets is impossible. There will always be those things that you wish you could take back, scenarios you wish you could change, and things you said that you will never forgive yourself for. I certainly have them. I've ruined relationships, whether romantic or of the friendly nature, hurt myself and others, and made bad life decisions that will forever haunt me for the rest of my life. It doesn't matter what I do, but I can't get rid of these things. They may seemingly go away ... but every so often at the moment when you least expect it, they will jump right out; and it'll all seem like these mistakes happened yesterday.

But that's just me. I don't know how you work, how you function, what makes you tick. However, I think that it's unfair to lie to ourselves in saying that we don't regret anything. Maybe that's just the way of simply sweeping the things we hate about ourselves most under the carpet. Debatable as that may be, it's just a personal belief.

All that being said and done, a few things in recent days have happened that I wish hadn't. Situations that I wish I had handled instead of mishandled, and I continually find myself wishing that I didn't have such a short fuse, a sense of impatience and misunderstanding. Those traits will certainly not get me far in life... and it's something that needs to change. The problem is that it's so hard to literally make the decision to change yourself, and nonetheless something about yourself that is naturally just you, and even harder to make it actually happen. Just a work in progress right? Right. We'll see, eh? Worst case scenario I continue it on my own until the end, hoping I don't exude negativity everywhere I go.

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