Sunday, February 26, 2012

having kids .

Okay, now before you get too scared... no, I didn't impregnate anybody (Mom, you can start breathing again now...). However, it just so happens that several articles popped up that I read today (and I know, the topics of these articles are always miles apart from each other, but whatever, don't judge me) dealt with having kids. Originally, I was all about definitely having a family, but lately I haven't been so sure. It's an awful lot of work, and I'm wondering if I could make such a sacrifice without being miserable, not being able to do the things that I want to do in my life. While most say it's the best decision in their life and wouldn't trade it for the world, I'm not sure I would be in the same boat, and I'm sure that there are some parents out there that wonder what life would have been like had they not had kids. Lord knows, I would not want to bring children into a world where I couldn't fully devote myself to them.

And thus I am stuck riding a fence while my mind continues to flip-flop back and forth (and I really need to sorta start deciding on something and staying with it, because my crotch is getting sore... get it? okay, bad joke..) The first article is entitled What Really Happens During Labor, and this all seemed like simple interesting information to read until I read #14, which was that many new dads describe the moment when their child is born to be the most moving moment in their lives, bringing them to tears.

At that moment, I felt a sort of chill go through my body, and I think that I really do want to have a child. This is a bit of a diversion from the profundity inside my head... but I've been watching The Office a lot lately (catching up on many seasons missed) and though Jim and Pam struggle a lot with newborn Cici, they still love everything about her. I think it would be a fantastic growing experience and an opportunity to really have some incredible times other than just spending time with a spouse. And while taking trips and all is great, bringing a child into the world is just incredible. You are literally leaving a part of you on this Earth... you will watch them grow from a spot on an ultrasound into a child, a teen, an adult, and maybe even a parent.

I don't understand a lot of things that parents do, say or talk about. Their minds are wired differently, programmed for a different lifestyle that I'm assuming came from parenthood. They assess risk differently and with more rigor, and they are more cautious and careful (speaking generally). I'd like to think that I could retain every personality trait that I have now, but I think that after having a child everything changes. Your world changes; both physically and mentally. You want to give your child the world and also give them the world; you want to provide the most fantastic place for them to grow up in. It's putting a lot of your pressure on yourself, but I would hope it's all worth it in the end. Unfortunately, there's no real way to "try out" having a kid; you're either all in it or you're not. Lucky for me, I know I'm not ready for that right now. But perhaps someday.

The other thing I read was called 10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Having Kids, which laid out all of the hardships you may will encounter if and when you have children. But the one part that caught my eye was the last part, which was cleverly entitled as a bonus question; which read something along the lines of are you prepared for the most rewarding and amazing rollercoaster of a ride of your life that's worth all the hard stuff? Well damn. If I had to describe parenthood in a nutshell, that might very well be it.

I may still sit on the fence for a good while longer, but I think one day it might really be amazing to have a little set of fingers wrapped around my own. Only time will tell.

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