Tuesday, June 7, 2011

change .

There must come a time in your life where you realize that you've been doing the same things too long. The world around you has ceased to move forward and evolve. And maybe, just maybe, the world is waiting for a catalyst. And that catalyst is you. I talked before about not settling for anything... but taking the necessary risks to make dreams come true and live the life that you truly want to live.

Every time I come home I feel like I'm stuck in a bit of a time warp. Life at home seems not to change, with the exception of my brother getting older, getting things like his license (I'm still not used to seeing/having him drive...). It's still the same old traffic, and it's still the same old nuances that bothered me before.

It has occurred to me before that I have some sort of limitless idea of freedom and what it should be. Maybe that's getting up and leaving when you want to. Maybe that's leaving everything behind -- if you want to. And maybe that's not knowing what you want to do, or where to go, but walking out the door and just seeing where the road takes you; of course if you want to.

The thing is life is full of surprises. With this whole thing about 'rapture' going around, maybe it's time that we stopped living such a monotonous daily routine of life. Because I'm going to say right now that I'm sick of it. I want something different. I wish in some ways that an internship would have worked out -- I would love to be living in Seattle right now. Of course, that would mean paying rent, paying for food, paying for gas... it's all involved. I'm excited for what the future holds -- but I've been living the same life so long that maybe that process needs to be expedited.

Every day, whether I have a day off or not, I end up sitting down in front of my laptop for hours at a time. My mom asked me recently what I do on there all the time. Well, there's generally a list... there's always things I have in mind. But more importantly, are there things on the computer hindering my free time to the point where I'm missing out on things I could or should be having, or at least be in touch with?

It's not even a matter of having fun or not. It's a matter of being happy. Fun things are awesome... spending time with fun people are awesome. But at this point in life... is it going to bring me somewhere? Somewhere down the road of the future. Maybe it's too soon to think about all of that. I'm sure there would be a lot of people that would just say, enjoy your time now... the years when you're in college (and consequently the summers in between years) should be the most fun years of your life. I don't know man, I just need something to change. Something just doesn't feel right and I feel like I'm blowing the days away without doing anything, and it's just not as simple as becoming productive.

I just want something new and different. Something that's going to catch me off guard, make me reevaluate things. Maybe that comes in the form of a thing and maybe it comes in the form of a person. Maybe one of these days something will hit me... but until then I just have to revise my life and see what I can do to differentiate what is already in place. Getting too settled in makes me uneasy... get too comfortable, and that's when stuff hits. The bad stuff. I should know...

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