Sunday, June 19, 2011

draining the hourglass .

Today is June 19th. I've been home for a month and almost two weeks... and what do I have to show for it? The days seem to run together despite the fact that work drags. I haven't touched my guitar yet since I've been home. And while I have been biking a fair amount, my road bike is still sitting in the basement waiting to be tuned -- not to mention I still need to get my shoes and helmet and such. I haven't recorded any music, and I haven't prepped for Spain at all.

What am I doing? And why do these days feel like they are absolutely flying by? In a few weeks July will have hit. And at that point, I'll have less than 2 months before school starts up again. Granted, "school" is really a study abroad in Spain for a semester... so it's kinda more of a vacation with classes than school. Needless to say, I'm stoked.

I guess I just always had it in my mind that I was going to do a lot of productive things during the summer -- and that's not to say that there still isn't time. But 5 days of my week are consumed with work, and when I do get days off it seems like I spend so much time recovering from the work week that the time just slips away.

And yet, if I wasn't working, I know very well that I would still be lazy and lying around, feeling like I didn't know what to do with myself. Life is hard that way -- and this is a perfect preview to the future, when you will have 2 days of complete freedom each week. The time is yours to do with it what you will -- but it's up to you to govern yourself into productivity, whether it's for enjoyment or to get something more serious done, i.e. housework or something like that.

It's scary how fast time can go by, and how you look back and realize that you blew days, months, years, even. And one day you'll look back and regret it all. You may realize that you missed out on things, didn't do things you wanted to do, and by that point it'll be too late. I hope that day never comes for me. I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself for wasting away my own life.

Maybe it'll take writing a list, or making a plan each weekend, I don't know. A guy at work today asked me if I graduated already from college, and upon me saying no, he just said 'lucky.' I'm realizing that college really is the best time of your life. The freedom is there, and while the work is too, there are so many opportunities and things that you may never encounter again in a lifetime. It brings about a new appreciation for all that I have at school. And while I may spend about 99% of my time working on projects and the like, I'm determined to give myself more free time to just be. To be, in the moment, to exist, and to just soak it all in. It's really true -- you never know what you got til it's gone.

I hope to grow old and be able to look back on my life and say it was all worth it, to be proud of all that I accomplished, to be content with what I did and the experiences I had. I can hope -- but what I do now will decide whether or not that hope comes true in the future.

1 comment:

  1. I've had this feeling (laziness, wondering how I let so much time go by without doing anything I supposedly want to do) SO many times. And I always really hated it.

    I definitely agree that times goes by so much faster than you think. You turn around and a month passed (which I notice with the monthly dances I go to), a year passed, you graduated.

    Now being on the other side of graduation though, I would disagree that college is for sure the best time of your life. It might be for some people, but I wouldn't look at life with that assumption. I am honestly mostly loving post-college life. Work is now constrained into a portion of the day, after which you can go home and do other things without feeling guilt that you should be doing more work. (I know many jobs are not on a 9-5 schedule, but it's a feature of mine I like.)

    As far as doing things I want to do... for me, I'm really glad the dance stuff I go to is scheduled and reachable on my own efforts usually (there is one dance it's much easier to just get a ride to). Even when I'm tired, I tell myself to go, because I know I'll enjoy it. There are still some times I sit around for hours, but mostly I try to schedule things (especially on precious weekend time) that I'll enjoy. So the wasted times are fewer. :)


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