Wednesday, June 1, 2011

relationship reconciliation .

When the good things seem to come few and far between, and things must end between a couple, often times the best thing to do, at least in my experience... is to completely distance yourself from that person. For some that may be the last time that you ever talk to them, see them, or even think of them. Of course, they'll randomly pop up sometimes without you even realizing and all of a sudden you may be confronted with similar angry and hateful feelings, the same you may have felt when things ended.

In my experience it's been best to completely erase the person from your life. I find that if they stick around too much, I get conflicted and I am completely hindered from moving on...especially given the fact that I am often the 'dumpee' and not the 'dumper,' if you get my drift. I tend to be that person that is always willing to try to work things out, regardless of whether or not the person is good for me... I'm not really sure whether that's a good thing or not.

However it has also been my experience that some amount of lengthy time down the road, I am ready to forgive and forget. It's not easy to be the person to make the first move... especially when you don't talk to someone for a long time. It's also weird to bring all those feelings flooding back... regardless of whether they are good or bad. It's just weird reopening a piece of the book that you closed a long time ago.

Sometimes it turns out really well... people can become close friends again. It's kind of amazing in a way, that even after all you've been through that it's really possible to sort of rebuild a little bit, at the very least, of what was broken and seemed unable to be fixed at the time. But someone has to take the first step... which is nowhere near easy.

So what is it that makes so hard? Are people afraid that old feelings will return? Or is it that they've just dealt with so much that they just don't wanna deal with it anymore? I don't know. There are some people I still haven't truly repaired things with. And honestly, I'm scared. I don't want to open up a can of words. As much as compassion and forgiveness are taught in church and all, I just don't want to go there. And no one is perfect... but is an imperfection an excuse? Knowing what is right and not doing it might be just as bad as wronging someone.

For now though, I'm just going to have to let it go. There are simply too many other things on my plate for me to have to work to become friends with people. In some ways, it's easier to just let people slide away. If I cared more, then I would try more. But in some cases, I have tried and all that work goes for naught and I end up with a giant waste of time on my hands. Right now, that's the last thing I need.

I have no doubt that forgiveness and a bit of a reconnection will come... it's just a matter of when.

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