A carefree life without worries is one with bliss is it not? Whether the involvements are strictly friendly or romantic, or perhaps have to do with family, a job, or any other previous engagements, they can get in the way of things. What if I could wake up every morning and think, I can do whatever the fuck I wanna do today. There would be no consequences, no judgments, and no repercussions. But I think life is not like that for a great many reasons -- one being what would the point be, two would you ever have any sense of morality, and three what would be the point of goals if you can have them granted in a moment's notice?
I've had the future me on my mind a lot lately. Where I want to be, what I want to be doing. For the first time in years my mother and I had a real conversation over dinner. It just so happened we were the only two at home. I'm not even sure how to react to it. But it basically got me to thinking that there are so many things I want to do that maybe it's better to cut all ties. To tie a knot of closure at the end of all loose ends, by way of abrupt conclusion. And to untie the balloons that for years have stayed knotted to my wrist. Those may be some silly metaphors, but I think it gets the point across.
Every is going to have obligations, requirements, necessities, and the like. But without anything other than those few things, you have perhaps the purest form of freedom you could have apart from being homeless. Despite the fact they have nowhere to go and generally are extremely poor and have had life deal them an ill-willed card, homeless people have absolute freedom. After awhile I'm sure it runs you down. Not having a place to be, feeling like you don't have worth. Perhaps they could learn to see it as a blessing. To realize that they don't have to pay bills because they have nothing. They have no mortgage because there is no house. They don't have to worry about taxes because they earn nothing and own nothing. And they can go anywhere in the world they want, provided they have the determination to get there. From that point, what's stopping you from starting the rest of your life? Perhaps the answer is motivation.
No strings attached always made things easier. I don't think it's the right path to take in relationships -- and generally I think friends with benefits is just a ticking time bomb, biding its time until it is the perfect moment of ruination. People just want all the physicality without the emotional mess. And granted, it doesn't always have to be a mess, but maybe it's the past that dictates the people who are not as inclined to put themselves out there emotionally. Whether it's being hurt, or just struggling to stay emotionally connected, if failures are common and continue to seem imminent, naturally the solution would be to shy away from them, and if possible avoid them altogether. Some people make the scenario work.
But this idea for me is less about relationships than it is about accomplishing what I want to do. Without the crap that life normally deals, completing a list of what I want and what I want to do might be possible. And I fully intend to make that list. In all honesty, I don't think I'm going to be sharing it -- it's going to be my own version of a little black book. Hopefully one day I can look back at an ever-growing list where everything has been crossed off.