Friday, June 3, 2011

dreams .

What will it take to make you chase what you really want? What will it take to make you drop everything and do what you want. To find what you want to do, who you want to be with, to have the life you want to live? Why should we have to settle? What is going to be the last straw that breaks your back and finally makes you jump outside that enclosed box of comfort that you haven't yet had the heart to get out of? Why do we constantly have this 'I can't' mindset? It's ridiculous. Is it really that you can't? Or is it really that you won't?

There's got to be something holding you back. There's got to be something, whether external or under the surface, that holds you back from what you really want to do. I suppose at this point I should say if you really are doing what you want to do and living the life that you truly want to live, I should congratulate you -- you are the envy of every. single. person. At least, I think so.

Is it parents? Whether we like it or not they're going to have expectations. I'm pretty sure almost any parent would agree that they want 'the best for their kids.' Is this a cliché? Is that what they really want? What if happiness in their child came from endless amounts of partying, quitting school, and becoming a trucker? Well, that probably wouldn't fly in your average household, and especially not mine... They may think that they (and others trying to convince you to do various things) have your best interests at heart. But perhaps it's true that only you can have your best interests at heart... After all you are the only one that really knows what you want, right? Unless you have some magical best friend that I am clearly missing who knows me to a T, including all of my dreams and aspirations.

It was always expected that I go to college. Get some sort of degree. "Make something of my life." You know how that is. It's hard to really argue the point... because to be honest I haven't had my own kids. I can't say what I'd really want for them. I'd want them to be happy, but no one would want their kids to throw away their life. Or at least, what the parents would consider to be throwing away their life.

But I think to some degree, you gotta be willing to take risks to get what you want. A lot of times you hear about actors/actresses that just up and left one day -- took off for California, because that's where the jobs were. In all honesty, I don't think I'd have what it takes to do something like that. I always sort of assumed I'd just complete school, get my masters, hopefully find some internships, and then continue on from there, sort of playing it by ear.

I like taking risks... but in other ways. Going on rollercoasters, cliff jumping in France, doing downhill mountain bike courses that I definitely don't have the skills to do... but maybe that's a cover up. Maybe, it's all a hoax. A mind game, with myself. Because I don't have what it takes to drop everything and leave the house for good. Because I don't have what it takes to step up and swing. I'm just too afraid I'll miss in the process. It's just easier to play it safe, right? Always has been and always will.

At what point do we get sick of that, and just do something out of character, something outlandish, something reckless --- something that will help us finally achieve, what we really want.

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