Thursday, May 24, 2012

gym life .

Back when I was at Clemson and we were going to the gym regularly, it's funny how you get into a routine and you start seeing all the same people at the gym all the time. Of course likewise when you don't go to the gym at your usual time you see all kinds of people that mess with your feng shui and it feels weird. However, this post does not focus on those people. This instead focuses on the regulars we saw at the gym all the time, and what we nicknamed them.

This was the guy (yes, you heard correctly, guy) who was ripped out of his mind and probably on some sort of steroids. He wore such a minimal article of clothing that he might as well have been shirtless. Literally, like, a thread across his back and chest with the arm holes cut down to a thread between the bottom of the hole and the waistline. Retarded. Wear a shirt. I don't care how jacked you are, and I don't want to see your tits while you work out.

Trick Daddy:
This guy had longer hair, but always wore a flat brim pulled wayyyy over his face. He also had extremely sloppy and sparse facial hair. Not to mention the fact that he also always wore skate shoes and some sort of absurd looking short. Like, ones that had a ridiculous pattern on them that made them look like a bathing suit. Maybe it was a bathing suit....

This kid happened to be in my major, and is in the year behind me. Turns out, he also goes to the gym. Those I have no idea how he never gets any bigger because the kid is seriously a twig. And super tall. Hence the beanpole stature.

Ripped Asian:
This guy was exactly what his nickname says: ripped, and asian. I have never seen such an asian so cut, jacked, ripped, etc. He could deadlift 8 plates and squat like, 6. Apparently he also played tennis because we'd always see him walking around with a tennis racket. He also always wore a little tiny baseball cap backwards and for some reason would always go and change shirts halfway through his workout. Whatever floats your boat I guess.

The Hardy Boys:
These guys were goons. They were a group of like 5 guys that always were at the gym but never seemed to do anything. They'd mess around, chat, text, say hello to people, laugh it up... I mean, really? If you're going to the gym you should at least do something. It should also be noted that there is no way you're even getting a workout when you have a 5-man rotation on the bench.

This one came about in a funny way. There always seems to be a shortage of bench presses, and so we got in the habit of asking people how many sets they have left. There is only 1 decline bench press set up, and so we asked this one kid how many. His reply? "Well I have 3 more sets but I'll be really quick." He then proceeded to blast through those sets at a frightening pace. I have no idea what workout he was doing, but it was like he had taken the intensity of Insanity and mixed it with weight lifting. Needless to say he was done quite fast. He worked his chest so often too... every time we saw him it was like he was doing chest workouts.

Black Peter Pan:
This one was named for the shirt he used to wear all the time. Or rather, 2 shirts. He'd wear a normal tank top with this one where the bottom was shredded and rapped together, like he had little ropes hanging off all around the shirt. It made no sense. He also made the funniest facial expressions ever. And had a sweet mustache.

Ripped Ginger:
Self-explanatory. The biggest, most massive ginger kid you will ever see if your life. Built like the Hulk. Quite possibly my ging-sporation. (paha. Wow, me. That's a stretch.)

There are more names we had for people that we didn't see at the gym. Perhaps I'll continue the list another time. Also, if you're at the gym and you're bored, here's some things you can do:
1. Count the number of guys that stare at themselves in the mirror. It's probably just about everyone.
2. Make up nicknames for the people you see.
3. Imagine animals for everyone you see.
4. Make fun of the girls who wear skin tight spandex and then complain that guys ogle them.
5. See how much water you can drink without going to the bathroom.
6. Walk laps and look for eye candy.
7. Wonder why that person on the spin bike is not pedaling, but just texting.
8. Tell the guy grunting really loud that he needs to quiet because you're trying to study a textbook while on your elliptical.
9. I ran out of ideas.
10. I just really wanted to have 10 bullet points.


  1. 4. Make fun of the girls who wear skin tight spandex and then complain that guys ogle them.

    This is mostly why I go to the gym. The conversations girls have with their little posses while on elliptical machines are so interesting.

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