Friday, May 11, 2012

feeling old .

I went back to my old high school tonight to watch a concert in which my brother was playing. It's strange to see all the high school seniors get up and say where they're going to college this-coming fall. It dawned upon me that while they embark on their new adventure and adapt to their new college surroundings, I will be reminiscing on years past, and focusing on the grand finale to my undergraduate career.

The same effect happens when you go back to your middle school, or heaven forbid your elementary school. Believe it or not a few years ago I went back and visited my teacher from 2nd grade -- I dropped by while she had class, and ended up reading a book to her class. It was actually a really good feeling; and I got to chat with her a bit about all that I was doing. It was really something else, to dive back into your past like that. To go back into something buried away so deep in the past that you dono't really remember much of it at all.

And all this, coming from a 21 year old. I'm sure many of you are reading this and thinking it to be absolutely preposterous. I have many years left to live (I hope) and so many more memories to create. And when those places are revisited or those people are revisited, my feeling of old age will continue I'm sure.

Yesterday I started re-watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy (one of my favourite sets of movies) and in the first movie, a quote hit me -- Bilbo says, "I'm old, Gandalf. I know I don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart. I feel... thin. Sort of stretched, like... butter scraped over too much bread."

That's probably the best simile anyone could ever give for that sort of feeling. Just being spread thing. I'm not saying I'm at that point... but seeing all these kids younger than me just starting the phase of life that I feel I've been living in for quite some time, well it's kinda scary. The work world, the real world, is rapidly approaching. I counter my anxiety of being able to find a job with the fact that I technically am only halfway done with school, that with the added 2 years of grad school, I'm just halfway there. But those years will go fast; I know they will. Just like the rest of life has.

Where does the time go? This seems to be an often reoccurring theme in my posts. There is never enough time. But, kids' voices will drop, they will get taller, heavier, they will grow facial hair and develop both physically and emotionally. I'm not sure if my high school is the type to have reunions, but it would be absolutely insane to have one in 30 years or so. To see where everyone has been, what they did with their life. And not to boast, but I've done a little snooping on the people I went to high school with, and well, I think I'll be a tad ahead of the curve. One thing to be proud of, I suppose.

So here's where I ask to my wisdom-filled superiors, those who have lived more years, been through it all. Does the old-age feeling always stay with you? What do you do that makes you feel young again? I'm curious. For that, my friends, is a secret worth telling.


  1. I always visit my past teachers! I'm pretty much best buds with my 12th grade English teacher at this point. It does make me feel old sometimes but I'm pretty sure it makes them feel even older.


    1. Hahaha ahaaaaa never thought of it that way! So true!


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