No, I'm not talking about the subject in school -- I'm talking about person-to-person chemistry.
Let me explain a little bit about how I operate when it comes to dating... I'm generally a bit shy and timid person, and the fear of rejection and anticipation of an answer when you ask someone out is very intimidating for me. Therefore, I like to spend lots of time with people before I really ever make a move to make things official -- basically I play it safe so that I know whether or not things are going to work out. It certainly saves the pain of short relationships, because it never was a relationship in the first place.
Isn't it amazing that out of all these people in the world, you just sort of click with some of them? Conversations are easy, you have similar interests and thoughts. I don't even know how that's possible. Compatibility is huge in any relationship, whether it be as simple as a friendship or a as serious as a marriage. Things just have to mesh together; they have to work. And yet here we all are trying to change ourselves to make the gears and cogs turn together. The question we all end up asking is "why the fuck can't they just fit together in the first place?!"
You're just missing that magical chemistry. It never happens in an instant really either. Or at least, for me it doesn't. I always sort of proceed cautiously, and sorta like to see where it goes and be a little patient. Sometimes it's just a spark, and sometimes you get really lucky and you've got a bonfire on your hands (wooo metaphors...).
Eventually though, you have to take some sort of plunge. Whether it's reaching for the other person's hand, or going in for the first kiss, there's one point where you're all in, and it's now or never. Unfortunately I feel like most people think it's up to the guy to make this move (especially those females out there who are quite traditional) and that's difficult for me to make that plunge, knowing that I'm teetering on a fence and that things could really go either way. Some people just like to be really good friends, others are either looking for or open to more.
Regardless, I've been fortunate to have that sort of easy chemistry with people in the past, and it's always cool to sort of watch it all happen in front of you. Though just as quickly as it comes, it can disappear and extinguish too, which I've also had happen, and I think we've all had happen. What can you do? Sometimes the flame flickers and sometimes it burns with unreal intensity.
So how to end this post? I don't know. But what I do know is that maybe there are more sparks out there than we realize, and that all you gotta do is blow on the fire a little bit.
Chemistry and understanding with the right person is so rare. So VERY rare. I never doubt good people are out there. It's finding them and inviting them into your life that's the hard part. I remain optimistic. How else can we be? Love this, Greg.
ReplyDeleteOptimistic is the perfect way to be Angie, I agree! There really is no other alternative.
DeleteBeware of chemistry - you may fall in love with many!
ReplyDeletePersonally, I find falling in love easy. It's the part after initial 'fall', that is much much harder. Keeping love go on forever can be hard work at times.
; )
PS: Shyness is not doing you any favours... once upon a time, there was a boy, in Slovakia, I really liked... and he really liked me... yet, by the time he finally told me how he felt , I had my ticket to London... see, I am traditional girl and although I'm sure to be giving hints and signs when I like someone I wait(ed) for men to make the actual move...looking back now, hey, no heartache, just wasn't meant to be...but still, if only did he say something earlier, things may have been different from now... x
I think that the real love part comes after that infatuation "honeymoon" stage. In my mind love has always been ultimate sacrifice for another -- in that you feel so deeply for them that you'd be willing to do anything for them.
DeleteI see the importance though of not waiting too long, but I still think there needs to be some time spent just getting to know each other. I try to be open and honest about feelings if they are there, but I need to be sure about them too!
Trust me when I tell you - you can NEVER be sure about anyone or anything... But what you can is hope and work for the best. Also, it's much easier once you 'know' you're 'working' on 'it' together : ).
Deletegreat post, definitely agree that you've got to get to know someone a long time before making some sort of move. I feel a lot of people now a days rush into things (idk whether it's pressure to just be dating somebody) and that just causes a lot of pain and hurt if it doesn't work out. Just keep waiting it out, be patient and if it's meant to be you'll know.
ReplyDeleteAmen to that. And thinking on a more serious note I feel like that's the reason there are so many divorces too. I agree; if it's meant to be you'll know.
DeleteI can see where you're coming for that... but, sometimes doing it can make you regret it too! Decisions, decisions haha
ReplyDeleteI crave the "click," but to be honest... all my boyfriends have come from people I disregarded upon first impressions.
ReplyDeleteBut I really can't stress enough... I CRAAAAAAAVE the click!
Hahaha. It definitely is awesome! Maybe we end up really liking the other ones better because they sort of worked and proved their awesomeness? Who knows.
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