something different .

So lately I realized I've sort of just been narrating my life a bit in these blogs, and I think that I really need to begin to work to get back to the sort of posts with the topics in them. I guess in some ways I usually have some sort of point when I write about the general events that go on in my day, but I have a feeling that it's not exactly interesting to read about all the homework and lack of fun things that I did that day. So here's something that occurred to me the other day:


I was walking back from somewhere, most likely the office or Lee. And for whatever reason, it really hit me how alone you are at college. For most of us, if not all, it's the first time in our lives where you truly make your own decisions. What to do, when to do it, how to approach your homework, how to balance your academic life with your extracurricular life. You need to manage money, and depending on what you agreed upon with your parents, pay for your textbooks and grocery runs, manage projects and studying for tests, maybe party here or there a bit.

Josh brought up an interesting point that despite this aloneness, there are still consequences if you do not meet your parents' requirements of grades and whatnot. Their expectations may be different than that of your own. In some ways I guess I believe that I have an obligation somewhat to them, since they are paying for the tuition part of school (I have been left to cover the rest). I have a responsibility to really make the most of the money that they are putting forth for me to get educated. However when it comes down to it, that work motivation really needs to come from you -- YOU want a good education, so YOU can get a good job. And finally be able to live on your own.

I've witnessed firsthand what happens when jobs fall through, you are limited in your schooling, and you eventually don't have the money to live on your own and are forced to lean back onto your parents. That's the last thing I want to happen. I think I'd almost rather be homeless than end up living at my parents' place for the rest of my life.

So really when it comes down to it, the way you run your life currently is up to you. I don't really talk to my parents that much, and when I encounter something I don't know how to do, I'll at least try it before calling my parents. I like the idea of complete independence, and when I'm living on my own with (hopefully) a job, I don't want to have to depend on them for everything from A to Z. Take for example the other day -- I swiped my debit card at Bi-Lo and it didn't work. Luckily I had cash on hand to pay for what I was buying, but I didn't know what had happened. I knew that my bank was switching hands and my accounts were being changed from Wachovia to Wells Fargo at some point. But basically nothing was working and my accounts were frozen. Not gonna lie, I was a bit unnerved by the whole situation. But I went down to the Wachovia downtown and had them heck some things out and I then had some options of ways I could try to remedy the solution. I called my parents to let them know what was up afterward and then simply tried a few things when I got back home and I haven't tried it yet, but I'm pretty sure everything should work now.

That may sound trivial, but in a great many ways it makes me feel like I can survive on my own and fix any problems I ever have. Next year I'll be living off campus (for the semester I'm not in Barcelona anyways) and I'll get to deal with bills and some other management of money. I'm planning on actually creating my own personal accounting spreadsheet, especially since I've been learning about that lately and I feel like I mind as well put it to good use.

I'm even applying to some sweet internships, one in San Francisco and one in Seattle for the summer. Hoping to get one ! Having it be paid would be pretty great also. But I know that whatever happens, it'll be the right thing for me this summer.

And thus the thought of being completely on my own makes me a bit nervous, but I'm excited at the opportunities I can give myself and the doors I can open just by putting in some motivation and hard work. The rest of my life is waiting -- just need to go out there and grab it.

"I've been thinkin maybe I've been partly cloudy, maybe I'm the chance of rain, Maybe I'm overcast, and maybe all my lucks washed down the drain....... but when I look at the stars, I see someone else"