" sometimes people change " .

What statement could possibly be more true. I'm not a big hip hop fan but there was a song by Tupac, I think it was called Life Goes On, that really struck a chord with me. There are so many events and experiences in your life and yet in the end, time keeps moving. It can't be paused, rewinded, or fast-forwarded. It's simply not possible. And while the good times seem to slide by with rapid ease, and the bad times seem to stick to you like Zap-A-Gap (haha, architecture joke...). And yet, time goes on regardless.


So on the walk to Cookout tonight from Lightsey, this was one of the many topics Jordan and I discussed... and at one point we brought up people from home. Those we've lost connection with. I realized that at this point, I regularly talk to only 2 people from home. 2. Out of the hundreds of people that were in my town and school that I knew, almost all of them have drifted away with the sands of time.

Part of me wants to really reconnect with them... and another part of me wants to just let it all go. Because staying in touch requires the effort of both people -- I can't do it on my own. And I guess at that point I just sort of let relationships with friends bite the dust. And to be honest, I guess to some extent I didn't really care. I took the lack of communication as a bit of a slap in the face, and decided fine, since I'm not going to ever hear from these people again, I'll just give up.

And it's really weird how time can change people. Experiences, other people, relationships; in short, sometimes people change. Jordan couldn't have possibly put it better. They just do. And sometimes you really wish they didn't... and you wish sometimes you could change them back. But it just doesn't happen like that.

If you go through life believing that everything happens for a reason, this may not bother you as much... and while I believe certain things happen for a specific reason, I think that a lot is controlled by what we do in our lives -- that destiny is not unchangeable, and your fate is based on what you do on a daily basis. And while some things are unavoidable -- others are completely in your control. And maybe this keeping in touch thing is in control of me -- however the people changing thing is definitely not.

In the back of my mind, I think I always knew that going so far away from home would change a lot of things. I guess I just didn't expect one of them to be friends, which, in retrospect, was naive and ignorant. But, as much as we may not want it to, sometimes people change. There's nothing really to be done about it -- and you just have to suck it up and accept it, and keep living life. Because in the end, you're on your own out there. It's nice to have people to back you up, but when the shit hits the fan and you don't know what to do, it's you against the world. And you may be backed up in a corner, but all that means is that you gotta find a way to fight your way out.

And so here I am in Clemson. I've made a lot of friends... but in times of nostalgic perspective I think back to high school, middle school, even elementary school -- and how those people who were once such a large part of my life are now either completely gone or quickly fading. Makes me wonder what would've happen if we kept better in touch. But I know now, I gotta do me, and if I gotta do it on my own, so be it. I'm straight with that.

And on a side note, to that special person who I talked with for hours tonight, my thoughts and prayers are with you, and always will be. It'll all blow over soon enough. I got your back kid.

Lyric of the day:
"And the worst part is, Before it gets any better, We're headed for a cliff, And in the free fall, I will realize I'm better off, When I hit the bottom"