Friday, May 27, 2011

love , part 1 .

I think I've talked a bit about love in blogs before. In all honesty, there have been so many posts that I truly can't really remember. It's a subject that will be revisited often, as there is so much detail you can go into about it, and there are so many experiences, future hopes and dreams; you know how it is. Whether you have said those 8 letters divided into 3 words to anyone or not, I'm not here to discuss when you should or shouldn't say 'I love you' to someone. Truth be told, that's up to you to decide and I couldn't care less.

What I do want to talk about, though, is the differences between being in a relationship, and sort of being able to observe other relationships from the outside. Getting so emotionally and mentally (and most likely physically) involved with someone is like standing in the middle of the road at night. And as much as you know that there are cars on the road, and that you should avoid those bright beams of light, they still blind you. And let's be honest, sooner or later you're going to take a wrong step and get hit. I just now realize that's a rather dismal metaphor for something that is supposed to be so true and joyful. So before I lose your attention, don't worry, I think love can be an absolute beautiful thing.

It's hard to be someone's best friend and watch them get so tight with someone else. Whether it's jealousy or sadness or downright depression and anger, something in you has got to change... You've suddenly gone from being the one and only, the BFF, the first resort for any problems, and the first one called to go out on Friday night, to the potential backseat. Sometimes it feels like you have to compete for attention, and work so hard just to get one night to chill with your friend. Well, that is, unless you're like me and never have anything ever planned and thus your nights cease to ever be filled, and thus you are always free for any sort of anything ... whether that's sitting on your bum watching tv or just staring out a window.

At this point in life, I think it's safe to say we've all experience having our friends date someone while we were still single. It's all fun and games when you're both dating someone with the opportunities for double dates and group hangouts. It keeps the time together relaxed and not as pressured (at least before you're comfortable with the person) and can also be more fun. It's like you can't even get through to the person sometimes. You can see the problems, you can see where a bomb might explode in their face, and whether you tell them or not they seem to refuse to accept it -- blinded by love, as they call it. Or maybe not even love, maybe just extreme 'like.' (It's okay to chuckle at that)

Despite the fact I've lived for over 2 decades I still consider myself relatively young... what do I know about love anyways? Well let me give you my best shot at what I sort of, kind of, can say I semi-understand about it. (I don't think I'll ever fully understand how it works anyways, the fact is sometimes it just does)

When you're with someone you care deeply about, and they care deeply about you, I don't think there is a more powerful emotion. It constantly blows my mind every time it happens, because you didn't think in a million years that was even possible. I've struggled with self esteem and confidence for a very long time (if you think it's there, don't, because it's just a front.... there's virtually nothing behind that wall). Needless to say the first girl who actually liked me back was a shock. Although I must admit, I almost rarely revealed my true feelings to anyone I liked for fear of rejection.

But it seems that relationships between young people are so prone to problems. Or maybe, it's just that adults have sort of figured out how to deal with them and we haven't yet. Between school and everything else, there are so many opportunities to be completely stressed out. That's not to say that an eventual job and getting your rent and bills paid isn't stressful, but I think that by that time you might at least be more used to it.

My question to all of you is (seriously, feel free to answer if you wish..) is it all worth it in the end? For me, there's got to be some sort of line between what is and what isn't. And though some may deny it, I think we all have that line inside of us of what we will put up with... some of our lines are very defined and strict, others are a bit faded and loose... or some combination of such. Riding that emotional rollercoaster can be exhausting -- on top of all the requirements of life, the expectations of parents, and the stresses of a job and school.

For me, I've always been a sucker for that idea of finding the perfect person out there -- that soulmate, the one who you meshes with you so well that you can't even believe you two met, out of the 6 billion people in the world. And it's amazing to find that -- lucky are those who have already passed that crossroads, and are on their way, or perhaps well into, a happy and fulfilling life with their significant other. But I truly believe the right person is out there -- perhaps the trick is to not look. Try too hard, and you'll end up looking for the wrong thing. But the more you try things, go on dates, meet new people; the one thing you begin to discover is what you want in someone, and what you're looking for. And on that glorious day when you stumble upon some random girl who shoots you a smile, maybe for once, you'll be certain about it. Maybe you'll know, and it'll just blossom into something great.

This post is getting super long, and there's tons more I could go through that's running through my head in a rather chaotic manner... but fear not, for this is not the last post regarding that scary 4 letter word love. It will surely be revisited.

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