Tuesday, May 24, 2011

memories .

In particular, the thing that I've had in my mind recently is the memories from relationships. One of the things that is so so difficult about relationships is while they may start out great, you often end up skating on thin ice and eventually it crumbles into nothing. Now, don't get me wrong I'm a big fan despite the risk of things ending badly. But after all is said and done, the time has passed, and you've moved on, what do you think you are more inclined to remember more, the good? or the bad?

Tough call to make. There are some where I can recall a lot of the good memories. There are others were the fighting and the things leading up to the eventual end are the things that are foremost in my mind. I think in some ways it sort of depends on the mindset you're in.

But probably the most annoying part is that the memories hit you at the most unexpected times, and when they come, at least in my case, they hit you hard. It can make you feel like absolute shit. It can make you feel like you'll never be able to date anyone again. And it can bring back all the feelings, good and bad, that you had when you were dating that person.

Sometimes the good memories are nice, and are more of a nostalgic sort of feeling, as opposed to something that will make you seriously miss the person and wish it wasn't over anymore.

Though recently, the memories that tend to pop up out of nowhere are the bad ones -- the ones that make you flip inside, the ones that make you absolutely sour at the world -- and particularly at that person. If you're a believer in the "everything happens for a reason" cliché, then most likely they were all for the best. The breakups, I mean. And I feel like at this point, I think that it definitely all ended up pretty good each time one ended.

But sometimes, you continue to get treated like shit after all is said is done. And at some point, enough is enough, you know? I've become friends with most of the people I've dated. That's not to say that I really keep in touch or anything, but usually at some point things would eventually at least get to the point where we could be civil and have a normal friendship-ish relationship between the two of us. And for me, that's good enough.

But sometimes I think that the best thing to do is, if even the thought of them only brings negativity into your life, just completely block them out of your life for good. It's funny I say that, given that one of the recent blogs about walls was talking about not blocking people out. But at some point, I would imagine that it's warranted, and maybe even necessitated. To think back to some of the stuff I went through, or some of the things I put up with because I wanted to preserve the possibility of something great, and it's just time to unload all of that stuff and not think about it anymore. It's in the past, so be done.

I'm not going to get into details; while I spill a lot of personal things on here, relationships is one thing that should stay personal, especially since I'd be at risk of exposing the other persons involved. Regardless, I'm ready to move on, and hopefully the next time things pop into my mind, I won't have so much hostility immediately bubble to the surface. If you have any similar struggles, best of luck!

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