Tuesday, March 8, 2011

i've been behind .

School is getting intense. There's always so much to do, and so little time to do it in. I'm currently doing worse in my classes than I've ever really done in my life -- which is not to say I'm doing terribly or anything, but I'm definitely not where I'd like to be. German is kicking my butt, and I just feel so overwhelmed with the work for studio. It's not that each class is completely ridiculous -- I suppose it's just more of the combination of all of the classes that pile work on top of each other. I don't think I'll ever live to see the day when teachers realize that 2-3 hours of work per class period is a ton.

When you think about it, that may not seem like much on its own. But multiply that by about 3 or 4 as per the number of classes that I have. Then add in a whole bunch of extra time for architecture, and my attempts to try to participate in intramural sports and Central Spirit, and maybe, just maybe, have time to sit down and do nothing.

It's hard when all your life you have been expected to be able to excel and learn at an incredibly rapid rate, simultaneously, different subjects. It's hard when your parents expect nothing but the absolute best, and when you receive a B in a class, ask you "what happened?" It's hard when you have deadlines looming ahead, for internship applications, and future projects. It's hard when you take a test, knowing that you weren't as prepared as you could have been, and get back a mediocre grade when, if you had just found a way to put in the time, you could have done excellently. It's hard when you really want to sit down and do nothing and you have no motivation, and yet you have no choice but to try to work through it. It's hard when you want nothing more than to just be able to go and work out once a day, and you feel like your day has been so consumed that even that is not possible, unless you are willing to sacrifice the tiny bit of sleep you manage to get each night.

I don't know how much longer I can keep going with this. Something will have to change, somehow. It's hard to stay focused, and even harder for me, for when I have a lot of work I seem to only have my mind on useless things, time-wasters, and games. I feel terrible that I haven't been posting on this every day, and have to play catch up all the time. I feel terrible that I haven't been giving a sufficient amount of time to my devotionals and daily prayers, rushing through them because I'm either exhausted and want to sleep or have a class to run off to.

Spring break will (hopefully) be a long awaited hiatus from the business of college life. Many say that it is the best 4 years of your life, and don't let it slip by -- well, wisdom-givers, I'm doing my best. But no guarantees on that one, that's for sure.

Lyric of the day:
"All I wanted was you"

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