Sunday, September 16, 2012

if you're bored at school .

This goes out to all the kids who hate their classes, are bored at school, and just dread going to class. These are not just the ancient tactics of watching the clock hands (who has analog clocks in school still anyways!?) or doodling and scribbling all over your notes. We're talking about those hour and a half long lectures that put you to sleep; we're talking about the "I can't possibly stay awake in this class anymore" moments and the "Please, help, someone save me!" times. And since I seem to love lists so much, what better format to put this in than a list!?

1. For those of you with female teachers, see if you can figure out when they're on their period. You may be surprised to find it's actually not that hard because they're completely different people. You'll get a schedule going (marking down when they're most bitchy) and then boom, you know the exact week or so to not tick them off. You'll soon be their favorite student because you "get them." Little do they know you are just smarter than you look.

2. See how many times you can get people to say "bless you" by fake-sneezing. If you have something that makes you sneeze, even better because then it sounds more realistic. This not only is disruptive and funny, but you get to trick everyone into thinking you're deathly ill, which will inevitably prove to be beneficial to you via pity cupcakes. And whether they're for pity or not, no one can ever refuse cupcakes!

3. Pretend you're texting, but in such an obvious way that your teacher will undoubtedly get annoyed and call you out. Then make them look like a fool by holding your hands up and asking them what they're talking about. If there's more people in the class or the teacher doesn't care about phones, use that annoying mosquito ringtone and look around to see who notices it's going off.

4. Make nicknames up for everyone in the class. It's easy and really entertaining. Especially once you've been in class for awhile, because you know the silly nuances that some people do. Even if you don't know them, it's totally easy. I do this at the gym all the time. Some of nicknames I have for people there are: Gorilla, Trick Daddy, Matsui, the Boner Groaners, the Hardy Boys, and Beanpole, Swag and Mystique. Believe me, this one gets fun fast.

5. Start a list of animals for everyone in your class. Best to include a friend in this one too to share the laughs with, because it's absolutely hilarious. If you're having trouble thinking of animals, expand your options to cartoon characters and it gets even more funny. You'd be amazed at how many people actually look like animals. Picture anyone with a serious mustache as a walrus, and you'll double over laughing.

6. Tap with your pencils. I do this all the time without even thinking and apparently it drives people nuts. You can tell people you're practicing for a percussion audition, and to piss off.

7. Okay for the last one, I had the opportunity to use this, and missed it. So I'm making sure you all know about it because it can only really be used once. On a sunny day, keep your sunglasses on and wear them throughout all of class. If your teacher asks you if it's too sunny inside for you, just reply "Well, the sun never sets on a badass." You'll get a few laughs out for sure, or maybe just get a dirty look from your teacher. Either way, it will be funny.

So you see? There is no reason to not have a good time in class. It's all about how you approach it!

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