In high school I once knew a girl who had it made; had a humongous house in a ritzy neighborhood, her Dad owned franchises (plural) and individual stores, they had gratuitous amounts of property, and when we would tell her she was rich, she would deny it. And this beings about the topic of this blog -- rich people are dumb. So I have this article that explains why they are dumb in a much funnier and entertaining way (with much more factual evidence than I care to gather), and therefore I will leave you with that to read. The best part is that it provides actual quotes from the various rich idiots that exist.
Let it be known that this article was found on the blog of Mr. Andrew Hales, of LAHWF, in one of his old blogs that I just found today.
What I would like to do though, is go ahead and bring in the 6 points that they make and make my own comedy to that tune. But you should go check out the article first. Seriously. Don't fucking spoil it for yourself. You can read the rest of this afterwards!
6. "Well, $500,000 a year might sound like a lot, but I'm hardly rich."
Translation: "I really really reallllly don't want to give you any handouts... so I'm just going to pretend that my 6 figure salary doesn't exist and hope that no one picks up on my tricks..."
Alternate Translation: "I like to go on 1902345891 vacations a year, so I can't really afford anything else."
5. "Hey, I worked hard to get what I have!"
Translation: "Daddy paid everyone off and made generous donations so I could go to the best of schools in order for me to get here, it wasn't easy!"
Alternate Translation: "I play on Facebook more in a day than you ever have in a week!"
4. "If I can do it, so can you!"
Translation: "Getting rich isn't rocket science, you just need really rich parents so you get a big inheritance!"
Alternate Translation: "I'm going to pretend like you can become rich too so that you'll stop confronting me about it!"
3. "You're just jealous because I made it and you didn't!"
Translation: "Stop trying to convince me to let you to ride on my coattails!"
Alternate Translation: "Yeah, you totally wish you were me! I got the cash, the car, AND the girl!"
2. "You shouldn't be punishing the very people who make this country work!"
Translation: "I keep 90% of money before I let it trickle down, so be happy you're even getting 10% and leave me alone!"
Alternate Translation: "Don't punish me because I have more money than you!"
1. "Stop asking for handouts! I never got help from anybody!"
Translation: "If everyone had money, I wouldn't be rich anymore!"
Alternate Translation: "Just because I have lots of money, doesn't mean I'm going to give it to you!"