Now, understandably I probably know next to nothing about parenting because I'm not at that stage of my life. But, I do know a thing or two about what kind of parent I'd like to be like, and I will NEVER be that parent that brings their 2 and 3 year old children to church with me. Now, I understand that church, if anywhere, is the one place where you should be most understanding and forgiving, but I'm gonna be real I hate when people bug the crap out of me while I'm trying to pay attention. Allow me to elaborate.
Recently I was sitting in church at my usual 8am mass time, but I got there a little bit later than usual and "my seat" was already taken (yes, I sit in the exact same seat every week) and it also seemed a little bit more crowded than usual.
Of course, naturally I have this uncanny ability to choose the worst place ever to sit, right where restless children will be most annoying. So, parents of your restless children, here is a list of reasons why you should stop being such an idiot about taking your kids to church.
1. You're not going to be able to pay attention anyways, because you'll be too busy telling your kid to shut up.
2. You'll easily piss off everyone around you, and more importantly, you'll piss off me.
3. You'll get offended when people turn around to tell you to take care of your kid and not be so loud, even though you were the one being rude in the first place by bringing your three year old to mass.
4. Your kids will bump other people or kick seats and piss off anyone who found a way to somehow concentrate on mass through the noise.
5. Your kids aren't getting anything out of mass anyways. Save them the trouble until they're old enough to get it.
6. The parents can totally take turns going to mass; and therefore avoid bringing the kids.
7. In the digital age, you can totally watch services online (www.catholicmassonline.com is one I watch if I miss church).
8. There are cry rooms for a reason; if your kid is being noisy, I fully expect you to take advantage of those rooms.
9. When the time is right, everyone will appreciate you not being the biggest disruption during the service. I don't care how young you are, or how much you smile at me, you will be nothing but a distraction-enabling pile of poo until further notice.
And so yeah, that's how I feel about that.